Affection | N.H

Chapter 34

("Can I just say to anyone suffering with depression or low self esteem that you are one badass motherfu*ker because nothing is more terrifying than battling with your own mind, own heart, own self, every single day." -I don't know who)

~Niall's POV~

"Oh, you know you know you know I'd never ask you to change,

if perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same,"

I mean every single word Tarisha, I do. I am not good at explaining myself. And that's why I still couldn't tell you how beautiful you are.

"So don't even bother asking me if you look okay cause you know I'll say,"

I stop singing in mid sentence as I see Tarisha turning away. Before I could approach her, I witness Nellie having a quiet conversation with her. As far as I knew, Nellie did not like Tarisha.

Tarisha quietly starts walking away. Ignoring the gasping and whispering crowd, I rush towards Tarisha's direction. Didn't she appreciate my singing at all? It meant nothing to her?

"Where did she go?" I ask Nellie without looking at her. She quietly whimpers beside me and I turn to face her. "Why are you crying?" I am shit at comforting people and we are talking about a chick here.

I was surprised to see Nellie at Payne Productions that day. The memories I had with her were still fresh and it stank bad when I saw her. She opened her arms and without thinking I had opened my arms for her too. Later on when I was driving I realised that she was one of the causes why I am so selfish and rude and fucked up.

"Don't worry." she sniffs. Nellie has always been the happy person. She always made everyone laugh and that's what I liked the most about her. This is the first time I have seen her cry so she must have a reason.

"Don't worry Niall. You wouldn't care and you'll think I am lying. After all she holds a higher priority in your life than me." she sniffs again. I feel like this is about Tarisha. She can never make someone cry. Her own life is full of shit and she battles with herself everyday. I cannot imagine her hurting someone.

"If you're trying to lie to me, then don't fucking dare." I snap at her.

"See? I didn't even tell you what's wrong and you are already taking her side." Thank goodness the crowd has forgotten about me.

"Just tell me what she did." I grit on my teeth. She is getting on my last nerve.

"You want to hear? So listen! She said I have a hideous appearance. She said all the mirrors around me always break because of my ugliness. She even asked me to thinking a million times before imagining anyone to like me." Nellie cries into her hands.

Tarisha can never do this, never.

"I am already so insecure about myself, and I hate myself and she had to say all that to me." Nellie looks away. I cannot see her face quite clear in the disco lights.

"Do you want to hear more? She said you're a lame attention seeker who sings horribly. I mean I am sure you dedicated that song to her and no one else. It didn't even mean anything to her." Nellie wipes her tears and looks down.

My Tarisha is not like this. But.. She thinks I am an attention seeker. Whatever I sang meant nothing to her. It's not regular that I sing in front of people.

"You know what I think Niall? She has a face when she is with you and she has a different face when she is away from you." Nellie continues. She has stopped crying now. That was short period of showing her emotions. When Tarisha cries, she cries for hours in my arms. But did Tarisha actually say those words? If she did then I am done with Australia. It's hard to believe my own thoughts.