Affection | N.H

Chapter 42

("Other times, I look at my scars and see something else: a girl who was trying to cope with something horrible that she should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They're part of my history that'll always be there." -Cheryl Rainfield, Scars)

It's Wednesday and I have to see Lisa today. I am not at all looking forward to our meeting. Apparently it is an hour per session. I got her email earlier today where she stated the time and the location of our meeting. She doesn't want to meet me at my house because of my mother as she is not being cooperative. She hasn't talked to me since Saturday when Lisa came into our house for the first time. My mother has effectively avoided every possible conversation with me. Honestly, it has made skipping meals easier for me. As for Niall, I haven't heard from him. Mainly because I haven't bought a new phone after breaking my old one unintentionally, while talking to Louis. I have been counting every second since I woke up. I cannot bear to speak to a youth worker. According to my mother's logic, I am mental and I think it's true.

I have been thinking about Niall and I's last conversation over and over again. He said he is going back to Ireland. Is he really? He was probably joking or telling one of his lies just to get away from me. I want to see him though. Just for once, from far away so that he doesn't see me. I want to make sure he is alright because when Lisa and I went to his house the other day, he was badly drunk and his house was a mess. As far as I can remember, I got Niall into the habit of keeping his house neat and clean. Moreover, too much drinking is damaging him from the inside. He needs to live for his family. That family whom he never talked to me about. He needs to live for himself because he doesn't know the real world yet. He doesn't know how the real world works. He is still naive and just broken by the world. He is too scared to speak about himself. I really hope he gets someone who will be with him for his inner side and not just for his big buldge. I haven't seen it, but I am assuming it's big. But the girls he hangs out with, only like his body and only care about how good he is in bed. I shouldn't be thinking about him, should I? But you never forget the face of the person who is your last hope.

It is getting dark already. I have to walk to the cafe that Lisa mentioned in the email, before 6 o'clock. I appreciate my mother's thoughts for providing me with this room. It has a computer, although it's shitty but still. I am never going on social media sites because I remember what I ended up doing last time. I just use it to check my emails. While the computer is turning on, I quickly throw on a pair of sweats. As I look at the computer screen, my eyes widen as I stare at the email that was sent by Lisa about ten minutes ago. With my trembling hand, I move the mouse on the mousepad and click on the email.

Dear Tarisha,
I know we had decided upon a meeting today at 6 o'clock in the evening but unfortunately I won't be able to make it. It is an emergency. My Nanna is really sick and therefore I will have to fly to Sydney for two weeks. I really apologise for the inconvinience. Someone else should be available to see you during my absence but if you want to only speak to me, I understand that. But then sadly, it won't be until the next two weeks. Please reply to this email so that I know what you would like to do. Please accept my apologies.

Kind Regards, 
Lisa

A smile creeps on to my face,

Dear Lisa, 
I totally understand and I am very sorry for your Nanna. I hope she gets better with your presence beside her. I am willing to wait more than two weeks because family comes first. Email me when you are back in Melbourne. I will wait. Thank you for informing me about your situation, otherwise I would be waiting at the cafe overnight.

Kind Regards, 
Tarisha Kraft

"Tarisha!" My mother yells from downstairs. I start walking down the stairs and continue counting the chores she asked me to do, to make sure I have done them all. I have finished washing the dishes, I have put all the clothes in the washing machine and dried them afterwards and I have cleaned the whole house. As I reach the bottom of the stairs, my jaw drops on the floor. "Have a seat sweetheart." She tells Niall but he ignores her. "Would you like something?" She asks again.