Affection | N.H

Chapter 33

("When your own ones refuse to understand you and criticise your weakness instead, the whole world around seems to be falling apart." -Anonymous)

"Hello?" Mr Lindsay speaks through the speaker.

"Good evening sir. Did you call me?"

"Yes, yes, I did my dear."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is perfect. It's that my birthday is tomorrow. I was wondering if you could be a part of the party tomorrow night? I am actually reaching the age of 30 tomorrow, a fully grown man I will be. I want to celebrate it grandly and I want all my students to be a part of it too." I can say by his dreamy voice that he is hell excited.

"Yes, sure! Like why not? It will be my privilage sir." I smile into the phone.

"If you want you can bring along your weird boyfriend too." Mr Lindsay laughs and hangs up before I could give any embarrassing reply.

"What did he say?" Niall says exiting the bathroom. I ended up coming back to his house with him. What has happened to me? The thought of spending a night with a guy, alone, used to make me go crazy. Now, here I am, feeling safer than ever, feeling relaxed than ever, alone with a guy, at night, at his house.

"He invited me to his birthday party tomorrow night," I inform Niall and he frowns, "I mean, he said you can come aong too." I quickly add, reading the expression of anger on his face. The frown smoothens on his forehead and he cracks a crooked smile.

Niall walks over to the bed and lays down on his back. It has been a long day today.

I look down at the green shirt of Niall's, which I am still wearing. It smells just like him. It makes me feel like I am surrounded by his protection, his warmth. Niall has made me smile, assured me that everything will be just fine. I wish I would believe him. Though he was the hint of light in my darkness, I still cannot get rid of the negative thoughts that keep escaping into my mind about myself. I am just not good enough, in fact, I am no where near good.

I turn around to see Niall's eyes closed and his peceful face in display. He is beautiful, he is so pure. The way he talked to Nellie today, it just changed my perspective of how I feel about him. The way he indirectly asked me out and called himself my boyfriend, it all feels like a dream.

He fancily smiles in his sleep. I wonder what dream he is having?

Niall deserves so much better. He shouldn't need to bother about anyone else's life. He shouldn't need to worry about me and get worried himself. He, sure as hell doesn't deserve a girl who cuts herself, who has an ugly body with markings that speak the dreadful tragedy of her life. Why does he still decide to hang by me? Whatever he said earlier today doesn't mean he has feelings for me, does it? He might be experimenting about relationships. Yes, that is the case. Or else who will like me? My own parents could never love me. How can other people do?

My brain is racing with thoughts that are hunting me and hurting me mentally. I pull my legs up on the bed and fall back on the pillow. I turn sideways to face Niall who is peacefully asleep. I just hope to get his support with me like this, forever.

My eyes automatically close and I am taken to a different world. The only time I have anything resembling a life is when I sleep because when I sleep, I can dream and have my freedom, which I am restricted from in the real world.

..

"If you want to go to your admirer's party, you have to wake up now." I faintly hear a voice in my sleep. Suddenly a gentle movement of shake is also made on my shoulder. I jump up from the pillow and widen my eyes to take in my surroundings.