Two Steps Behind

Freedom

It has been a few weeks since I started school here in California, A few weeks since I first met Myrtle. The more we spent time together, the more I was drawn to her, she's like a drug to me. I'm addicted to her smiles and to her laughter. Her laughter is contagious. We're in the Cafeteria right now, having lunch. 

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" Myrtle says.

It briefly pulled me out of my reverie.

"I am listening, you're talking about the freshman night. How we are assigned to organize it and you and I will go." I said to her in summary.

"Yeah, we'll be each other's date." She smiled.

"Okay." I said to her.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked me. 

"Nothing's wrong Myrtle. Wala lang to okay?" I answered her and continued eating the Carbonara I ordered. 

"Then why are you acting that way? You've been silent, like you're uninterested to hear me talk."

"I'm interested in hearing you talk, It's nothing really. Maybe I'm just tired. It's been 2 years since I last had a friend." I reminded her and smiled weakly at her. 

I don't know how to tell her that I'm falling for her, she did mention a few weeks ago that she had her first girlfriend back then, before her recent boyfriend, but that doesn't mean she's interested. That's what I kept on thinking at least.

If I had to pretend like she doesn't ever exist, I would but she's been a great friend from the start. I would really have to come clean about how I am feeling for her. She doesn't answer me, she continues to eat her Mac and Cheese. 

She was visibly upset at what I said. I let her be quiet for a few moments as she eats her food.

"Myrtle." She doesn't answer me, it was as if I wasn't there in front of her, by now I know she's hurt.

"I'm sorry. Smile ka na please?" I finally said to her. 

She looks up at me, her face is straight and her beautiful eyes full of pain.

"We can stop being friends if that is what you want. You can tell me if you want to be left alone. Hindi yung parang lutang ka at naiinis sakin." She said, her tone full of hurt.

"Hey, I didn't tell you to leave me alone, all I am saying is, I might just be tired. You're so full of energy that sometimes, when I try to keep up it tires me. Gets mo?" 

She doesn't answer and keeps a straight face again. 

"I'm too old for you." I finally said to her. 

She laughed at the statement I made.

"Gaga ka talaga, you're only two years older and even if, you look too young for your age." She said as she continued to laugh at me.

"Thank you, I know I'm a baby face." I laughed along with her. 

"I'm sorry too for being so sensitive, Period Problems." She said shyly. 

"That's alright. I mean I get those too." I smiled at her and made a mental note not to be absent minded when around her and also not to talk to her this way again.

It was Friday and I know she'll stay up late again as the past previous weeks. 

"Why don't you hang out with your old friends anymore?" I asked her. 

"It's awkward, they all knew what happened, no one told me. They all hid it from me. Mga epal din naman sila." 

"Ugh... That's mean. Kung ako yun pepektusan ko sila talaga." I commented