Two Steps Behind

Drifting

Myrtle's POV:

Ilang buwan na kaming nagtatalo ni Devin, madalas it was her fault for coming home too late, other times not coming home at all. Magmula nang mapabarkada siya kela Cara at mga bandmates nito ay madalang na ito maka-uwi. Kung umuwi naman, tulad ngayon ay nagdadabog pa.

"Devin, ano ba? Hindi ka ba titigil diyan? Ikaw na nga itong nalate ng uwi, ako pa ang dadabugan mo? I asked you saan ka galing at bakit hindi ka nagtext man lang." Naiinis ko nang sabi kay Devin.

"Myrtle, pwede ba wag kang nakikialam? Buhay ko to okay? Kaya gagawin ko kahit anong gusto kong gawin. Wala ka namang karapatan para diktahan ako, hindi naman kita girlfriend."

"What did you just say? More than anything you know I care for you and for your well being, alam mo yan simula pa lang Devin, pasensiya ka na kung hindi ko pa maibigay yung oo ko sa'yo. I'm trying okay?" I said as I tried to control my anger at her.

"Right." She commented.

"You know what, you get out of this house now! Dalin mo na mga gamit mo at wag na wag ka nang magpapakita sa akin, kahit kailan. Ayoko na Devin, ayaw ko nang mapuyat kakahintay kung uuwi ka pa ba o hindi na." I said to her with out breaking a tear.

I stayed at the terrace as I heard her pack all her stuff up, nakailang balik siya mula sa unit ko hanggang sa parking space. After a few moments naramdaman ko siyang nasa likod ko, nakatitig at nanantya.

"Leave the keys on the table." mariin kong sabi sa kanya.

Niyakap niya ako mula sa likod.

"Love, I'm sorry for hurting you, for making you wait. Sana mapatawad mo pa ako." She said in a tone that's almost breaking.

"Devin, just go." I tried to break free from her hug.

"Love, please?" she pleaded to me, I don't know what for, pero alam ko na ito na ang huli.

Nang makakuha ako ng lakas, agad akong humarap sa kanya at kumawala sa pagkakahawak niya, pumasok ako agad sa kwarto ko at doon na ako tuluyang umiyak.

Sa anong rason, hindi ko din alam. Minsan naiisip ko na ang selfish ko siguro for asking her to promise me things and yet, I couldn't give her an assurance of her stand in my life.

Sa kabilang banda ay naiisip ko naman na actions speak louder than words, I showed her how I cared and loved her, pero parang kulang pa din. I cried for the first time in months, lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko nitong mga nakaraang buwan, lahat ng iyon ay iniiyak ko na. Alam kong pagtapos nito ay kailangan ko nang mag-adjust na wala siya sa bahay, wala na akong hihintayin.

I am free and it scares me to death to be free, dahil sa loob ng isang taon, nasanay akong nandiyan si Devin. I can call her anytime, I can expect her to be there. Half my brain tells me maybe I was being harsh. Alam ko naman kung gaano ka-busy sa school namin, to the point na mawawalan na talaga kami ng time. Maybe I shouldn't have kicked her out. 

Pero nanaig pa din ang other half ng brain ko, na nagsasabing hindi ko dapat i-tolerate and hindi niya pag-uwi minsan, pati na din ang pag-sagot nya na wala daw akong pakialam sa buhay niya. If there was something that ticked me off it was her telling me, that I shouldn't care for her because I'm not her girlfriend. How could she? I cry a little bit more, it's a Friday night and I should be working on my pending homework, but here I am, crying for God knows what reason. Maya-maya pa, nagring ang phone ko. I reached for my phone and checked who is calling. I saw that it was Batch's number on the screen, I wiped my tears away and answered the call. 

"Hello, Batch?" I said tentatively. 

"Hey, Myrtle. I just called to check in on you. I heard what happened with you and Devin." Abby said.