Two Steps Behind

Sophomore year

A few months had passed, we are now on our Sophomore year. We both took summer classes, dahil wala naman kaming gagawin ng summer. So we are ahead by one semester. Devin decided to pursue music composition. While I took up my third major subject.

Architectural Design I, ganito talaga sa Columbia, we are only allowed to get one major subject per semester. Ang iba ay elective subject na lang. The semester have proven to be one of the busiest time Devin had. Dahil nga konti lang ang units nila sa department nila.

She made it a point to balance school, her band and our friendship. I don't mind, dahil kailangan ko din magfocus sa studies ko. Malinaw naman sa amin ang priorities namin. When we have time during the weekends, we spend it with Batch and Abby who are now on their third year at NYU. We sometimes watch their weekend games, especially kapag dito sa campus namin ang game nila.

It wasn't until the second week of this semester did I become so busy. I rarely get to go out with Devin. Kaya naman naisipan kong makipagkita na sa kanya habang maaga pa. I was waiting at a cafè near our school, Devin was running a little late.

I sat here, sipping coffee while reviewing for an upcoming quiz. Mostly, to take my mind off what I was about to tell Devin. She walked in and smiled upon seeing me. I smiled back and waved her to sit down.

"Sorry, I'm late love." sabi niya pagka-upo pa lang nya.

"You're alright, love." I smiled at her as I close my notebook.

"So, how have you been?" She asked me.

"I'm alright. Been very busy." sagot ko sa kanya.

There was a moment of silence at alam kong nadarama na niya na may gusto akong ipahiwatig.

"Love? May sasabihin ka ba?" tanong niya sa akin.

"Love, I wanted you to know about a decision I am soon making." I said to her.

"About?" She asked me.

"Us." sagot ko sa kanya

"Okay. You can tell me anything." sagot nito sa akin.

I let out a deep sigh. Alam kong masasaktan ito sa sasabihin ko sa kanya, pero kailangan kong sabihin ito.

"Devin, I want to let you go. Not because I don't love you anymore, but because you and I are both busy, halos wala na tayong time para sa isa't isa. Gusto kong pakawalan ka, para naman hindi ka maguilty kung meron ka nang mahanap na iba." dire-direcho kong sabi sa kanya.

"I'm sorry? What?" tanong nya sa akin.

"Malaya ka na Devin." sabi ko sa kanya.

"Love? Napag-usapan na natin to diba? Sabi mo we'll take our time to be alright? Na mag-eenjoy lang tayo kung anong meron tayo diba?" paalala niya sa akin.

"I know love, I know what I said. But can't you see? Pareho tayong busy, ayaw ko lang na limitahan ka, sigurado akong meron at merong magkakagusto sayo." sabi ko sa kanya.

"Love, kung natatakot kang ipagpapalit kita sa iba, hinding hindi yan mangyayari. I am hell bent to keeping it that way." sabi niya sa akin.

"Love, please. Don't make it harder for me. Hindi pa man tayo, ganto na tayo. I just want you to live with out fearing if you would hurt me or not. I just want time for you to explore other possibilities aside from me. Ganun din ako, gusto kong gumalaw na hindi ko kailangang isipin ka." I said to her.

She was silent for a while, tila nagiisip kung anong gagawin niya. She wipes the tears that fell from her eyes, before finally speaking to me again.