I try to look up to the stars when I feel lost, and I am very lost

Redemption is a made up word, but so is every other word

Lately I've felt maybe I'm made of stone
The pressures of life and past mistakes
Seem to have turned my heart to diamond

Not in a beautiful or valuable way
Rather I have become dense
I've buried myself deep in the core
Of my own being

My sense of humor
My ability to love
My desire to hookup
To feel the embrace of another
Have all jaded

Jade
A mineral an ornament
Regarded for its green quality
Green
A color often related to envy
Money
Desire
Ambition
What a perfect comparative to this "self"
That I spend all my time with
A decoration that had in itself jaded
And is observed and enjoyed by none
Not even a mirror

Life is like a puzzle
Many small pieces that create a large beautiful picture
Though none of the pieces I posses seem to fit together

Is that the puzzles fault?
Is it the fault of whoever handed me the pieces?
And withheld certain ones?
Or is the fault my own?
Since I have all the pieces some should fit

It dawned on me that I
Intentionally sabotaged my puzzle
If by choice or by chance I am unaware
Since I threw away the pieces that fit too well
And blamed the pieces that none others fit into place

Now I can't reclaim the ones I have lost
Most of them are now in possession of someone else
Who likely recognizes that they themselves
Are complete puzzles
And merely offer their own pieces
To fit into another's puzzle

Diamonds
Complete works of art
That aren't covered in dirt and stone
With souls more fluid than mine
And hearts that glisten on days
With no sunshine
And finally I realized

To finish my own master piece
My own puzzle
I simply had to acknowledge
That it already is complete

Whatever I make of myself
Is credited to the ones who made me
The ones that broke me
And shattered me
The ones I hurt
And the ones who stuck by my side
The ones who think about me every day
The ones who don't see a heart of stone
But instead feel a heart of gold
The ones who believe in redemption
And second chances

Whatever I make of myself is all credited to you
I spent my life running
And fashioning lies to mask what's inside
But I'm starting with the truth

Whatever I make of myself
Is all for you

Until you recognize this diamond heart of mine
Has melted and turned to brine
Know that I worked every single day
To wake up and rise along with the skyline