I try to look up to the stars when I feel lost, and I am very lost

Coy

I can't even preach.
I can't pretend.
Impossibly the truth is going to have to come out.
Suppressing everything is taking its toll.
What am I so afraid of?
That the door will be shut in my face?
Or that it will open and I'll get everything I want?
Playing coy never been like this before.
Alluring and reserved,
Or torturing and deserved?
You're supposed to circle balance,
And peace,
Not distress and leave.

What can I do?
What can I say?
Oh god. I just don't want to feel this way.

Fish out of water,
On to the grill.
Fighting for my heart,
Gasping with my gills.

Dreams betray me.
Revealing darker parts.
Deep corners in my heart.

Pulling me under.
To the dark waters beneath.
Farther than I can see the sun.
Further and further deeper than deep.
Until I'm drowning gasping to breathe.
A breath of fresh air is what I need.
Maybe then I won't feel so broken and lonely.