"The Only Way I Know" (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 5

On the drive back to the house all I could really think about what how my mom was going to react. There was a part of me that thought maybe she wouldn't care and just go along with it because I would of told her that it's what would make me happy. But then theres a part of me that feels like she would do the exact opposite. Because truly, thats just how she is sometimes. But I guess I'll just find out when we get there.

When Ben had finally pulled into my driveway, I was hesitant at first. I didn't exactly know what I was going to say, I was just going to wing it and probably pull the "poor me" card if I was being completely honest with myself.

We got out of the car and made it to my front door that was a auburn shade in color. I put my hand onto the doorknob and turned it to open the door. As soon as I was stepped inside moms voice rang through from what sounded like the kitchen.

"Honey, Shay, is that you?"

"Um yeah, hi mom" My voice creaked out. I made my way to the kictchen and took a seat in one of the chairs sitting around the island in my kitchen.

"Oh dear I didn't realize that you would be home this early. And I just got done cleaning up the dishes from when Jade and I had finished eating dinner. You did it dinner didn't you?" Mom said in a slight maternal sounding voice.

"Yeah, yep. We grabbed a quick bite to eat on the way home from the beach." That was a complete lie, We didnt eat. I didn't want to eat. I just wanted to talk with my mom and get this over with. Ben briefly looked at me with somewhat of an amused and confused glare. Obviously knowing that lied to my mom about us eating. Mom nodded her head in understanding. Mom then hung up her green dishtowel that she was using to dry off the dishes.

"Okay, well if thats all then I'm going to turn in. It's been a long day and I'm knackered." At first I was a little hurt. I mean I haven't really seen her all day, though part of that was my fault because I agreed on going out with Ben, but she could have atleast made an attempt to talk with me a little longer. Considering it was my birthday, but thats typical.

"Actually mom theres something I wanted to tell you." Mom turned around from where she began walking so that I could see her face. She came and sat down around the island that me and Ben were patiently waiting around.

"Yep. Talk away."

"Okay um..I-I.." I couldn't form words I was too anxious and scared.

"Spit it out dear. Whats on you mind, tell me."

"I think, actually I am going to be quitting college and I'm gonna be packing up some of my things and I'm gonna go out and drive around the United States until I find a place that makes me happy because frankly, I'm not happy here and I think you can see that. I just need a change. I don't know exactly where I'll end up being or for how long. All I know is that this is what I need to do to make myself happy and staying here won't do that, thats why I'm gonna be leaving."

Mom was sitting with her hands folded on the island listening to what I had to say. She didn't lok upset or okay with it. She had a emotion on her face that I couldn't quite read what it was. It seemed like nuetral I guess in a way. I don't know maybe.

"Shay, I see where your coming from. Sometimes I feel the exact same way. But I don't do anything about it because my life is here. It's always been here. Wether I feel that it may be boring or plain or whatever. But I could just never build up enough courage or strength to actually leave this place or this house because there's way to many memories here that I have. Of you and Jade growing up and becoming the beautiful young ladies that you guys both are today. And the ones of when me and your father got married. And the memories I have of us both being so excited when we first found out we were pregnant with our first child, and when we found of we were pregnant with you. Or the feeling of utter bliss and happiness I had and the feeling of love I felt back then. And for me I just can't let any of that go because all of those things are way to precious for me to let go. And I know exactly what your thinking right now. Your thinking 'my mom will never let me do this because she is throwing away her education and possibly her life by doing this' you would think so but I'm not. Wether you believe it or not were quite alike missy. I had said the exact same thing to my mum when I was around your age. And that's how were here right now in North Carolina because she agreed with me and let me go. So that's what I'm going to do. Let you go because I know this is want you need and want. And really because I want you to overall be happy. And when you find what you think makes you happy wether it be a person, place, or both of those things. Hold on to them tight and never let them go."

I sat at the table, completly shocked by what my mom had just said. Right then and there I figured out something. Even though sometimes my mom wouldn't or it was hard for her to show it, she loved me. So much, and by her saying all of those things, I knew she did. I got up from my seat and scrambled over to her chair where I wrapped my arms around her and embraced her in a hug.

"Thank you for seeing what I was saying. I love you so much mom, so much."

"Oh dear I know. I love you to the moon and back."

We untangled from each others arms and I went and sat back down. Ben was just sitting there not saying a word. He was acting quite shy.

"I didn't really want to interupt that. It looked very emotional." Ben's lips parted and a nervous laugh escaped them. Along with me and my mom laughing.

"Honey, when were you thinking about leaving?"

"I didn't think about that. Um, probably the day after tomorrow because I need to pack up my things and say goodbye to Jade first."

"Alright, that sounds good. I'll grab some boxes for you to put your stuff into tomorrow. But I'm gonna call it a night and go upstairs and get some shut eye. It was nice seeing you Ben. Even after Shay leaves please don't let yourself be a stranger. Your welcome to come over whenever your practically family to all of us." With that mum gave Ben a brief hug and made her way up the steps and to bed.

" I can't believe your actually doing this." Ben casually said. "But I'm proud of you for doing this, I would never be able to, but I'm happy that your going to be happy."

I laughed. "Thanks Ben. And just so you know, you'll always be my best friend. Wether at the end of the day I end up back here in North Carolina or I'm on the other side of the United States. Because you have been way to good to be these past years. And everytime I needed you, you were there for me, no questions asked. And I can't thank you enough." Ben began to speak but I shut him up by talking again. "And before you say 'you don't need to thank me, it's no big deal' it is so shut up and just accept it."

With that Ben just nodded and gave me a hug. "Make sure to keep in touch Butterfly. What am I going to do without my partner in crime?" I looked at him with a pained expression. "Your going to be okay, everything will find it's way."

"I know it will. Alright well I'm going to get going because it's getting late and my mom will start to wonder where I am. But you better call me as soon as you get to the first place you decide your going to be sleeping at for the night after that whole day of driving. Okay? Promise?"

"I promise." Me and Ben's pinky's came out and we wrapped our pinky's around each others and squeezed. With that I walked Ben over to the door where I gave him one last hug before he left, got in his car and made his way out of my driveway and down the road. After talking with my mom and saying bye to Ben it took a little bit of the stress off of my shoulders. Only to be reminded that I would have to talk to Jade tomorrow. I made my way up the steps to my bedroom and looked around. This would be one of the last times I would sleep in this house, in my room, in my bed. The day after tomorrow I would be on my way to find something that makes me happy.