The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

4. Secrets, Secrets

I fell through the invisible, elastic barrier and to my knees. Relieved, I saw that the empty space around me was filled with my memories. Not Tony’s. Mine. 

I pressed my back against the wall and hugged my knees to my chest. The breaths that I took were shaky and shallow. My heart beat quickly against my ribs.

What was happening? Where are we? Is this my mind? Am I inside my mind? Why can I see Tony’s memories? Where was Emily? Was she trapped in a space like this? Where am I? Where am I? Where the hell am I?

The barrier wasn’t exactly invisible. You could see it if you looked at it from the right angle. There was a slight distortion to the air; a ripple that shouldn’t be there. It wasn’t obvious, but it was noticeable if you looked hard enough.

If I can go into Tony’s mind, I realized, He can go into mine. 

I really wish that I had thought before going through the barrier. It was bad enough knowing Tony's deepest, darkest secret. I didn't want to know all his little secrets as well. Some of them weren't even horrible, just embarrassing. Like, who the hell cares that he wears briefs instead of boxers? Others were... not so good. Cheating on the PSATs, painting a police cruiser with graffiti. I didn't want to remember those. I didn't want to remember any of his secrets. Everyone has secrets, and everyone has a right to keep those secrets hidden. I didn't want anyone to know the few things that I kept hidden, and I assume that no one else wants their secrets public.

That's why they're secret.

But now I know Tony's.

I closed my eyes and imagined a thick steel wall rising up behind me. If this was my mind, if this was a dream, I should be able to control it. The wall stretched high into the air, curving over and forming a dome high above my head. The steel was smooth and strong, seamless and without weakness. I couldn’t help but smile.

Walls of strength. Walls of safety, and comfort. Steel that was as warm as daddy’s heart. 

Something cold and hard pressed against my back. I opened my eyes, and was surprised to see actual steel stretching out endlessly in both directions. A dome of safety all around. Armor. Protection. Privacy.

Coming out of this unconsciousness was like waking from a deep sleep suddenly. You jerk up, full of energy, and then are hit with a flood of fatigue. I was back inside the dark room with the tiled floor and the strip of molten gold shining from beneath the door. This time I didn’t scream. There was no more pain to scream at, except the mild headache pulsing in the back of my skull from when I fell onto the ground.

Emily was whimpering and writhing on the floor. Her face was contorted in agony. 

How can I help you? I demanded, kneeling by her side and flattening her dark hair. Her forehead was beaded with sweat. Any other day, this might’ve grossed me out. Not now. Not when everything was so uncertain. You need to be strong, Em. You need to relax and… Could Emily build a wall as well? Would that help stop the pain? At this point, I was ready to try anything.  Imagine a wall surrounding your… Dark Space. Imagine it… it’s protecting you. The wall is strong as steel or… or diamond. It’s your mind, you control it.

Emily sat up with a gasp, nearly knocking her forehead against mine. Wild, heavy-lidded eyes shot around the dark room until they came to rest on my face. 

Emily scrambled to wind her arms tight around my middle. She buried her face into my stomach and sobbed. I draped my arm around Emily's shoulder and pulled her close for what seemed like forever. I rubbed my hand in circles over her shoulder until the sobbing turned to hiccuping. I stroked her hair until the hiccuping turned to shallow breathing. I held her until the crying finally stopped.