The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

37. Tranquil As A Forest But On Fire Within

Basing this conclusion on the fact that since the start of practice no one has pointed at my back and screamed, I’m guessing that Benny has been successful in hiding my abnormality. However, I quickly figured out that just because no one could see the feathered abominations sprouting from my shoulder blades, they were still there, and people might touch them if I wasn’t careful. 

Also, swimming with those awful things dragging at the water was hard as hell. We were only halfway through the two-hour practice and my arms hurt like hell. Stubbornness and competitiveness kept me going.

That, and my friends voices in my head.

You must be really strong, Rajeev sounded impressed. I could only manage a groan in reply. Too much pain. If I thought about it, I would shatter like glass.

Let’s get down to business, rang in my head. I couldn’t help but wince. It was always the worst songs that got stuck in my head at practice. 

Not that I don’t love Disney, but you really don’t want to try and swim to their beat. It was too slow, too tame. I needed something peppier, something faster.

Apparently my brain had other ideas.

Don’t you fucking dare, Tony growled threateningly. I only had a split second to send him an apologetic feeling before the next line blasted through me like I was a speaker.

To defeat the huns! I flipped and pushed off the wall. Tony was growling and promising to hurt me under his breath. Emily was humming along. Benny was laughing, and Rajeev was researching how songs got stuck in peoples heads.

Did they send me daughters? 

I’m gonna send you to a hospital, Tony sounded vicious.

Jesus, Tony! Benny cried. What do you have against Disney movies?!

When I asked for sons?

I have nothing against Disney movies! Tony sounded angry. Big surprise. I’m angry at her!

You’re the saddest bunch I’ve ever met.

Lia? What did Lia ever do? Benny defended me, which was nice, because the only words I could think were the words to the fucking song.

I hate how she goes around, pretending like this isn’t the biggest fucking mess ever. Tony really did hate me. Why was I surprised? Had I thought that since we were connected, he wouldn’t hate me as much?

Yeah. I had thought that.

But you can bet, before we’re through.

Just because she can be optimistic, doesn’t mean you should be such a jerk, Rajeev cut in, sounding annoyed.

Mister I’ll make a man out of you.

Oh look. The nerd shows up to defend the whore. Even Emily gasped at this one. 

Lia is not a whore! She cried, sounding furious.

Tranquil as a forest. For some reason I wasn’t angry. Simply numb. So what if he thought that? Everyone seemed to. Even I had heard the rumors, even though none of them were true.

Everybody knows that she sleeps around. Tony sneered.

But on fire within. I had so many things to say, but this god damn song was keeping me from being heard.

Those are just rumors! Rajeev hissed.

I treat our situation like it’s not a bad thing because I am optimistic. I’m not so focused on all the shit going on that I can’t smile every now and then. As to your insinuations that I’m a slut, go fuck yourself, douche. I’m a virgin.

Take that, you fucking Disney song.

Liar, Tony accused. You made out with Benny.

And we both decided that was a mistake, I replied, cheeks heating even underwater. I was surprised that my goggles weren’t filling up with tears. I never slept with him.

I’m a witness to that! Benny chimed in.

I’m sick of your self-importance, Lia, Tony snarled. I’m sick of you pretending that you’re better than we are.

I have never thought that, I growled. Fuck off, Tony. No one here needs your attitude. This is all hard enough.

Fine, he said venomously. Fine. 

And then I didn’t feel him in my head anymore.

Did that… really just happen? Benny sounded a little shell-shocked, and I felt the same. 

Sure, Tony was a douchebag, and a pain-in-the-ass, but he was our douchebag. He was one of us, one of the Freaks. We had to stick together.

And we had just told him to get lost.

I had just told him to get lost.

Looking back on it now, that was probably the dumbest thing that I’ve ever done, because it was then, my first swim practice with wings, that Tony starting hating us. If we had just been a little kinder, a little more thoughtful, maybe we would still be together. Maybe none of this would have happened.

But it did happen, and that’s why I’m writing.