The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

14. I Didn't Think Telling People My Name Would Make Me Feel Naked

Instantly, all five of them were drowning in my life. Images flashed by, too fast to even look at.

My name is Juliana Carol Davis, I thought, feeling vulnerable. I had always hated my name. So long and... I dunno. Juliana Carol wasn't me. I was Lia. I have four older brothers, Aaron is the oldest, followed by Max. They’re both in college. Seth and Cody are the twins, and they’re only a year older than I am. I also have a baby sister named Lucy. She’s ten years younger than I am. As I said each of their names, an image of the boys passed before us all, followed by a sweet little six year old with a gap-toothed smile.

I’ve swum, played the violin, and taken three forms of martial arts since I was old enough to toddle. So have my brothers.

Me fighting, dressed in white. Golden hair shimmering. Green eyes determined. Staring at my black eye in the mirror walls of the dojo.

Me on the blocks, clad in a red racing suit. The gun goes off and I arc through the air.

Me singing as I plays the violin. Fingers like pale spiders on the blackened wood.

A long, pale hand flattened over Lucy’s dark hair. My hand. Brown pigtails.

And my brothers are also better at everything. Swimming, martial arts, artistic stuff, socializing, everything.

Cheating on an English test.

Stealing gum from my brothers room.

Running at swim practice.

Falling through the air, and smashing my leg on the way down. No one would drive me to the ER. I drove myself with a fractured shin when I was fifteen.

Sitting at a computer next to a stocky brunette, helping her write a story.

Walking silently beside a ninja.

Emily on my shoulders, running down the hall shrieking in glee.

Sitting alone that same night, playing the Sims.

Watching from the attic as my parents drive away with my siblings.

“We don’t have enough seats.”

They never had enough seats. Not at the dinner table. Not in the car. Never enough for one more.

I have always been my parents least favorite, the least successful, so they’ve always ignored me. They love my brothers because they’re perfect, and they baby Lucy because she’s six.

A sticky note next to a half-eaten birthday cake. Only part of my name was visible. Lia.

Empty chairs at a violin recital.

My parents and brothers sitting and laughing at the dinner table, Lucy on my mothers lap. They never had enough chairs. I always sat in the living room.

Blue and magenta dye running, bleeding out of golden hair.

My mother only ever looking at me when my grades dipped below a B+.

Blue and magenta swirling down the drain. 

Maybe now they would notice me? Maybe now I wouldn’t be invisible.

They still never saw me.

I struck out to try and be noticed, but never was. And basically, that’s me. Who's next?