The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

44. Leave Out All The Rest

I dreamed I was missing.

But I’m not the one missing, am I? Rajeev is missing. Tony is missing. Normality is missing.

You were so scared

We’re all scared. We’re all afraid, terrified of ourselves and these powers that have become a part of ourselves.

But no one would listen

Who would listen to a bunch of delusional teenagers, probably on drugs, who say that they have magical powers?

‘Cause no one else cared

No one does care. We’re all shadows, unnoticeable. Unlovable. Alone, yet the same.

After my dreaming

Maybe this was all a dream. Maybe we were just trapped in a horrible nightmare and if I just wished hard enough I could wake up and go back to my normal, horrible life.

I woke with this fear

But that’s what I was afraid of. What if this all was just a nightmare? What if I woke up and I didn’t have my wings, my freedom. What if I was back inside my room, my cage, alone, and unloved.

What am I leaving?

Without these wings, what memories would people have of me? Just like Tony had thought, a ghost. Someone you might see, but never really remembered.

When I’m done here

I want to be remembered as something more.

So if you’re asking me I want you to know

There are so many things that they need to know. Everyone. The human race. So ignorant, and so afraid of what they don’t understand.

When my time comes

I think my time is coming quicker than we realized. Every day is more and more dangerous.

Forget the wrong that I've done

Forget my mistakes, please. Forgive me.

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

Because now I have none. If I were to die this instant, I doubt that anyone would miss me.

And don't resent me

Please. That’s all I can ask. Don’t hate me anymore.

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Forever.

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid

Never be afraid. You’ll never be alone, I promise.

I've taken my beating

Hell yeah I’ve gotten my ass whooped.

I've shared what I've made

All I’ve made is miserable people.

I'm strong on the surface

But nothing else. It’s all a facade. It’s all fake. My “strength” is a lie.

Not all the way through

No one could be strong forever. No one was entirely strong. Everyone had weaknesses.

I've never been perfect

What is perfection? An idea. There is no perfect in this world. There will never be perfection.

But neither have you

No one is perfect. Not me. Not my freaks. Not my brothers. No one.

So if you're asking me

I want you to know

I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Please. I know that it’s a lot to ask, and even more to forget, but please.

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

Miss me? If I died today, would anyone miss me? I don’t know.

Don't resent me

Please. Death is enough. Don’t resent me as well. 

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Remember me, please.

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside

Between the three of us, there’s so much anger, and hurt. There’s so much that we don’t understand and it makes us afraid and I’m sorry for that fear. 

You've learned to hide so well

We have to hide, don’t we? If we don’t we’ll be back in that lab before we can blink.

Pretending someone else can come

And save me from myself

I can’t be saved. I’m unsalvageable.

I can't be who you are

I have to be myself. And myself is a freak who drives people away.

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

So much to forget...

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

Because right now there are none.

Don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside

You've learned to hide so well

Pretending someone else can come

And save me from myself

I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are

I sighed and shook my head, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. Linkin Park was one of my favorite bands, but they also always made me feel even worse than I did already. Leave Out All The Rest was my favorite song of theirs, and the first song I listened to whenever I feel like crap.

Just like now.

Tony was gone, because of me. He had said it himself. He hated my attitude, he hated me. He had left because of me.

And now Rajeev was gone. Maybe it wasn’t specifically because I had turned him down, or because I had told him to get to cover during our brawl, but my actions definitely contributed to his anger.

It was my fault. I was losing people and it was all my fault.

The next song started playing, and I fell back into my hollow of misery.