The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

41. Reasons Why I Cannot Date Rajeev

It wasn’t that Rajeev was unattractive. That would have just been shallow, and he was actually kind of hot. He had darker skin, and dark hair. A strong jaw, pretty eyes, a strong nose. Playing football had made him strong in general.

It wasn’t that he was unlikeable, even though he had a tendency to babble. And he was a bit of a know-it-all, but it was okay, because he had a good sense of humor and he was never mean.

He was attractive, had a decent sense of humor, and was smart. He sounds like a great guy, right? He was a great guy, and he deserved someone a little less fucked up.

That, and I couldn’t involve myself with anyone. I just couldn’t. Between swimming, and flying, and making miniature storm clouds in my bedroom, I didn’t have time.

And if I was going to date someone, I didn’t want to split my time between them and my hobbies.

And these were the reasons I gave to Rajeev when I told him, as gently as I could, that no, I didn’t want to go out with him.

“Alright,” he said sadly. I had to keep myself from patting his shoulder. It would just embarrass him. 

“I’m sorry, Raj,” I tried, biting my lip. Rejecting people was so hard, not that I had much experience. Rajeev was one of four people who had ever asked me out. 

“It’s fine, Lia,” he said, trying to blow off his own feelings. “I get it.”

And then he walked away, shoulders slumped.

And I felt like a completely shitty person.

Because I didn’t tell him the real reason that I couldn’t date him. 

He was too soft, too safe. I didn’t want someone who would take care of me or worry about me when I got home late. I didn’t want a boy who would bow to my every whim, who listened to what I said without question.

I needed someone just as stubborn as me, who would kick my ass if need be. I wanted someone who would challenge every word that I said.

Rajeev was sweet, but I didn’t need sweet.

But how was I supposed to tell him that?