The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

64. I Believe In You

It was a serious wake up call Monday morning.

I had kissed Simon. I had betrayed my friends. I felt like a piece of shit.

So I avoided them. All of them. I went out of my way to avoid Simon, and I didn’t talk to the other freaks. They wouldn’t understand my feelings.

Hell, I didn’t even understand my feelings. What the hell was wrong with me?! I couldn’t just start liking a guy who had tried to hurt me so often! That was just wrong. It was Simon!

And I had feelings for him.

I honestly felt like an idiot. This wasn’t something that should happen. I should hate this guy with everything in me. And yet…

I couldn’t. Maybe it was because whenever I looked at him and managed to see past the hatred in his eyes, I saw sadness. Maybe it was because he and Jaeb and Mitchell were freaks just like us, but I couldn’t hate them either. Even though Jaeb almost killed Benny and Mitchell almost killed Emily. I couldn’t hate them.

And that made me feel like a piece of shit.

I should hate him. I should hate them all. I should’ve attacked Simon as soon as I saw him on my roof. I should have bitten and screamed when he kissed me.

Instead I kissed back.

Why?

Another question without an answer.

So lost was I in my head that I didn’t see the person in front of me until I ran into him. I looked up into dark blue eyes and messy golden brown hair.

Well shit. So much for that avoiding thing.

Simon didn’t even hesitate. He took my wrists in his hands and pulled me into the pocket of dark air underneath one of the stairwells.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He demanded.

“Because I’m a bad person,” I whimpered.

“Explain.” He demanded.

“I feel guilty because I kissed you,” I admitted. “Because if the others knew they would hate me more than you used to hate me.”

Simon was silent for a long time, head bowed so far our foreheads almost touched.

“I understand,” Simon whispered. “I get it, alright? It’s a risk for me, too. But it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Why did you hate me?” I needed to know suddenly, desperately. “When you first saw me… why did you hate me so much?”

“Why do you want to know?” Simon sounded heartbroken. “It’s not something I like to remember.”

“Please,” I shook my head. “I need to know that this… this isn’t a trap. It’s not a trick.”

“You don’t trust me, Jewel?” Simon teased sadly.

“No,” I locked eyes with him. “I don’t.”

“That was to be expected,” Simon sighed, and his shoulders slumped. “Alright. I wasn’t born in a lab, but I was there from a very early age. I underwent experimentation from the age of four to the age of ten. You survived a week and a half. I survived six years. Jaeb and Mitchell were there with me every step of it. We were the first generation of weapons. You are the second.

“There was a woman there. She was barely out of high school, doing an internship. Her name was Vivian and she looked… so much like you. She had blonde hair, and she always wore it back, too. Besides Jaeb and Mitchell, she was my best friend. I trusted her.

“Since I was eight, Mitchell was ten and Jaeb was seven, we tried to escape. I would tell Vivian all about our plans, and every time we got caught. I didn’t realize that Vivian was the reason we kept getting caught until I was ten.

“I hated you because you looked like her, and for no other reason. I was stupid. I thought you were a normal human, or a failed experiment. I didn’t realize that you were second gen.”

“You said…” I looked down. “You said her name was Vivian. What… what happened?”

When I looked up at Simon, his expression scared me. His eyes were in shadow, and he stared off, as if watching a memory.

“I killed her,” he murmured. “When I figured it out… I murdered her, and six other people on that floor, and then the three of us escaped.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Simon had killed someone before? That was horrible. It must haunt him.

“It’s the past, Jewel,” he shrugged. “I’m over it.”

“Stop calling me Jewel,” I grumbled. “The name’s Lia.”

Simon grinned and pulled me in for a kiss.

“I’m going to change, Lia,” he promised, panting. “I’m going to become a better person for you. I swear.”

“I believe you,” I replied, and then I pulled him back down.

We didn’t go to any other classes that day.