The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

102. I Wasn't Strong Enough. I Wasn't Quick Enough

Two bodies, sprawled out of the concrete below. Shouting humans swarmed around them like ants on a crumb of cake. So much panic. Useless panic, I knew, because there was no way that either of them could have survived such a fall.

There was someone screaming nearby, and after a moment, I realized that it was me. I was screaming. I was wailing and howling and reaching over the edge of the building to where I could see Simon. He lay with his arms and legs skewed, still in his hoodie. Still in the hoodie that he had wrapped around me.

But now it was red.

The concrete around his head was turning red as blood pooled. I screamed again, and everything blurred as tears filled my eyes and my head spun. My hands were shaking, and I felt so, so weak. I could see Simon and Tony falling again and again. His body cut through the air, cut through time itself, leaving me frozen. There was nothing I could do but watch as Tony dragged him down. He fell off the edge of that building, the tower that scraped heaven and touched down at hell. He fell, and I was helpless.

What good were these wings, this false freedom, if I couldn’t save the boy that I loved?

I saw him hit the pavement. I saw his body touch hell as his soul went to heaven, and I screamed. The world was shifting and tilting and I was crying out because Simon was dead. I had loved him and Simon was dead.

It felt like a hand was gripping my lungs, slowly squeezing them. I couldn’t breathe. I honestly couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t breathing, and neither was I.

The pavement beneath me was blurring, fading into dull emptiness, punctuating with two spreading red pools.

The edges of my vision grew black as I watched the ambulances arrive and cart away the dead bodies.

And then I was alone.

There was no more screaming. My voice was hoarse. I could only lean over the edge of the building, limp, and let the tears fall. If only I had been faster. If only I hadn’t been as weak.

Simon was dead.

Tony was dead.

And as the black got ahold of me and dragged me under, I wondered if I was dead, too?