Life seemed better after that. Maybe we still had no idea about why we were freaks or what else we could do, but the weight and guilt of keeping such a huge secret was off of my chest. I had my amazing friends, and my sort-of-not-quite-an-enemy-almost-boyfriend, and now my brothers knew the truth.
The only problem was that now I had to break the news to my Freaks that I may or may not be interested mutually in Simon.
But I could burn that bridge when I got to it.
For now, I was happy, and I guess that it showed at school. Maggie took one look at my beaming face and promised to draw it, because she had never seen me so overjoyed. Hana asked slyly if there was a reason for my happiness. Emily just hummed and smiled. She knew that I had told my brothers.
I felt a little guilty every time I saw Simon, which was apparently often, but I also couldn’t feel guilty.
Once, I was drafted by the town swim team to compete in a mile-long swim event. At one of the practices, they had the girls in the middle and the guys on the outside. The guys were supposed to try and converge on us, force us underwater. A girl named Kate and I, who were on the end, were not allowed to let that happen. So when they started us, we swam out, kicking and elbowing the guys, all of whom were much bigger.
I remember the guy next to me was a giant. His name was Carlos, and as soon as I had felt his body next to mine, I had struck out with my elbows and feet. I had grabbed his shoulder and pushed myself forward.
And I hadn’t felt the least bit guilty.
Afterwards, I had felt guilty because I hadn’t felt guilty. I didn’t feel bad for elbowing him in the head, and the lack of guilt is what made me upset.
This was similar. I didn’t feel guilty for (sort of) seeing Simon behind my friends backs. I felt guilty because I didn’t feel guilty.
Feelings are a paradox.
Do you guys want to hang out later tonight? Benny’s voice surprised me, and I did a double take. He sat a few rows behind me and to the left. When he saw me flinch, he snickered.
Sounds good, I replied. Where? When?
Park? Emily asked. Ten?
That’s close enough that we could walk, Tony agreed. You gonna fly, bird-girl?
Damn straight. I grinned.
What’ll we do? Emily asked.
I dunno. We could just hang out. Benny said. I need to pick Lia’s brain for this History test coming up.
Ha, I snorted. Loser.
Yeah, whatever Benny smirked. It’s nice having this mind-link to one of the smartest people in our grade.
Thanks, I said. So glad that I’m useful to you.
You know I love you, Lia, Benny laughed.
Whipped, Tony replied.
Feel the love, Tony, I snickered.
“Is something funny, Ms. Davis?” I looked up to see my history teacher standing directly in front of me, and the eyes of the entire class on me as well. I fought the urge to glare at Benny.
“I can think of so many ways to answer that question, but then I’ll just get in trouble,” I said. “So no, nothing is funny.”
“Good,” he replied, turning back to the front of the room. “Try and pay attention some of the time, Ms. Davis.”
“I’ll do my best, sir.” I replied, leaning my head onto my hand.
I didn’t look at Benny for the rest of the class.
YOU ARE READING
The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)
Teen FictionI am not special. I am not extraordinary or unique. Everyone in the world faces hardships. Everyone suffers, at one point or another. I am not unusual. Neglect is common. Abuse, unfortunately, is common. Poverty is common. Five different people, fiv...