Fml

2

I slept fine...
I kind of stressed about the next day,
Of course I need to call some stranger and talk about my problems...
The day was fine, well actually it wasn't.
I didn't feel like smiling, I just looked depressed.
I was in one of my classes and a girl that is very annoying, Rolle (a very weird name), saw it.
"Oh my god, did you...?"
"No"
"I know you did, those are straight lines"
"Yeah I did, but don't tell anyone please"
"Okay"
Urgh...The worst person ever saw it. Of course.
After school, I took the bus as usual. I was with Benny, he's a boy obviously. One of my friends, Laurie, has a crush on him. I feel like when I talk to him, she looks at me. She's crazy about him, she's madly in love. But I'm close to Ben, very close. He's a great friend, we talk about so much weird stuff. He thinks I'm crazy sometimes, but he is too. I would never like him, only because we're friends and Laurie obviously.
"So how's life?", I said
"How's yours?"
"You didn't answer my question!"
"Life is fine! Especially with you haha."
"Oh wow thanks for being sarcastic Ben! Anyways!"
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"How's life?"
"Fine"
Fine? It's anything but that. He doesn't need to know everything though.
"Anne you're not the same"
"Not the same? What?"
"Well I mean, you're still very weird and crazy sometimes...."
"Okay But?"
"You seam depressed all the time...What happened to our Anne?"
"Our Anne?"
"The Anne that was always frigging happy!!!!"
"She's still here!"
"Really?"
"Yes really!!! It's just...Sometimes things are complicated"
"With Laurie?"
"Laurie?"
"You girls are always in some sort of drama!"
"I know...But she isn't the reason"
"Mmhmm"
"Stop it with your goddam mmhhmm!!"
"If that's not the only one than what is!"
"Mmhmm"
"Seriously Anne"
"I'm doing what you do!"
"Sooo?"
"I'll tell you another time, bye Benny"
We were beside my house now, I needed to go. Perfect timing at least.
"Bye Annal!"
"GODDAMIT BENNIEBUG!"
(He hates it when I call him Benniebug, I hate it when he calls me Anal!)
We just laughed and I went in my house.
So what now? Oh right, I need to call the number...
I dialled the number, it kept telling me to hold...
"*music playing from the phone....* please hold, you are very important. A person will answer...*music continues*"
I heard that for a while, I felt like it was taking an eternity. I decided to read and do things while it had me on hold. It took forever...literally about 20 minutes! A lady finally answered. I didn't know her name or her age, it's anonymous. She's just someone who talks to kids and teenagers like me.
"Hello"
She had a calm voice...
"Hi..."
"How are you?"
"I'm okay...I guess..."
"What's on your mind?"
I wonder how old she is...Maybe in her early thirties or something, her voice was very calm. If I had to guess...Maybe she was a white female, with brown hair and brown eyes...I'm not sure though...Maybe a name like Mary, Natalie...Barbara? I have no idea...
"Well...I'm calling obviously because I need to talk...Well my mom wants me to..She things it will help. I feel a little nervous because I don't know you and I've been waiting to talk for about 20 minutes..."
"Oh I'm sorry you had to wait that long! So why did your mom want you to call?"
"Because....I have problems I guess"
"What sort of problems?"
"Just...Problems..."
"With what? Your friends, family, yourself?"
"I guess a little bit of all..."
"Well...What is it like at home?"
"Well I'm a middle child, I have an older brother and a younger. They both have learning problems, and they both have anger issues. I've always been a bit left out because I have nothing, I'm always taking care of my younger one, but he always yells at me...My mother tries hard to be there with all of us...But she always ends up being more with my younger one, my older one left our house. He lives with my dad...."
"So you have a lot of responsibilities, how are things like at your dads?"
"Fine...He usually works late, I take care of my brother. My grandmother lives there, she always tells me to help him with everything and judges me when I do anything wrong. I hate it, people are just making me do things for them, but they seam to not appreciate it."
"I see, you're parents are divorced or separated? Did that make you feel sad or mad?"
"Honestly I don't remember, I was almost 7 years old when they broke up. Since then my mother found herself a partner and moved on, my dad started smoking and drinking..."
"Does he still do that?"
"He only drinks...He learned his lesson after getting pneumonia."
"Well...Be happy that your mom moved on, and your father at least he quit smoking and doesn't have pneumonia anymore. You're parents trust you with your brother and everything, you should feel special. You're also responsible which is great. You should talk to your parents if having those responsibilities are hard"
"Yes you're right..."
"What about your friends?"
"I have a lot...They are special to me...Well I guess there's a lot of mini dramas with one of them"
Laurie....
"Why?"
"Because she gets mad, we're always sarcastic and she likes a lot of boys...I think that changed her..."
"Has she dated any?"
"Yes, 3"
"Does that make you mad?"
"No of course not, just jealous. Because she always changes her mind on boys, the ones that liked her loved her because she's pretty. I never had any chances with boys...I'm ugly, fat. Ugh nothing like her. I have chances with no one"
"Of course you do, you just haven't found the right guy yet. Do you have any crushes?"
"No! She likes everyone! I hardly have any choices!"
"I see haha....Well don't worry about her!"
"Yeah..."
"So you don't have a good self esteem do you?"
"It's horrible! I hate myself! I hate everything I do!"
"You need to not think about that, find something that you like to do..."
"The only thing I did was cut myself...And now my mom knows, that's what led me to you"

The conversation went on for a very long time...Well about an hour. I could continue...But there was a lot more.
She did give me advice, that I should do different things. I told her that I like to write, I should start writing more. When I'm sad I should write instead of cutting myself.
When the call finished, she asked what I was going to do...I told her that I would eat diner and wait for my mother to get home. She was very nice, I'm happy that I got a chance to actually talk... That night I was thinking...
What if Laurie is the reason that I thought I was ugly and fat?
I've always compared myself to Laurie, she's skinny, small, guys love her. But she always seams to like guys who don't like her...Like Raph...Alex...David...Jay...Mattew...Max..Benny?
So many...
Yet the ones who like her...Antonio, Marley, Eddy, Charbel, Marley etc.
She doesn't like them...Only the ones that she can't have...
And what about me...Well I've liked a few guys, including Antonio who I mentioned. He liked her when I liked him...Of course because I'm not beautiful.
My other friends haven't had too many crushes or boyfriends...Except Brooke who dated Daniel for a few days, now Christina is dating him.
They are all skinny, that's why!
I know that people always say that it's what's on the inside that matters, but we all know that that isn't true. All boys want is the outside, people will treat you different according to you appearance. It sucks, but it's reality...And sometimes the truth hurts...