Fml

11

I didn't sleep, again.
I was thinking about so many things.
I don't even understand myself.

At least, no school.
Finally.

I slept in until 11
I wasn't feeling good.

I stared at myself into the mirror and I hated everything.
I tried to say at least something "positive"
About myself...
But there was nothing.

I went to the gym with my mother,
I listened to music that kind of made me think of Laurie.
Because they were songs that she liked...

Laurie and I, our relationship is complicated.
I don't like being around her, I always feel negative with her.
It's like a bad energy...
She was my best friend before, but now we've become separated.
She changed.
She has a crush on guys that are impossible,
She dresses differently, she flirts without realizing it and she acts sassy and sarcastic with me.
She says things without realizing how offensive she can be.
So I started doing the same thing,
But she doesn't like it of course.
And everything seems to be my fault.

I compare myself to her,
well of course she's pretty.
She's skinny
And all the guys like her.
People also like her more now and give her more attention because of the way she acts.

Compared to her,
I'm ugly.
I'm fat.
No guys like me.
People stopped talking to me and give her more attention.

I don't care about people not giving me "attention"
I just simply miss being able to talk to everyone without Laurie being the center of attention.
Because of course she joins in on our conversation every time.

Enough about Laurie!
I told myself,
I continued to workout,

Afterwards I ate diner and looked at myself again in the mirror.

Wow Anne...You did this to yourself....
Since you were young you've always been
fat and ugly.
You are worthless....
You're dumb...
And you look horrible.
HORRIBLE....
"You'll never look pretty if you continue being like this....", I whispered.

I bent down and made myself throw up.
You deserved it Anne.