Fml

16

The past week I've been feeling down,
As usual.
Laurie and I are always very cold with each other and had little dramas.
I don't like Laurie, we just aren't meant to be friends anymore.
We don't have a connection like we did before.

I was talking to Brooke and for some reason I couldn't take it anymore and starting saying
"I want her to get the hell out! I don't like her! We aren't friends...She's letting me down! So am I! All I do is compare myself to her and.... It's not worth it! There's always drama Brooke ALWAYS!"
"Then tell her what's wrong!"
"I did before remember? She just cried and I felt bad!"
"That's manipulating Anne! You shouldn't be her friend look what she's doing to you."
"Yeah but...I don't want to hurt her..."
"Yeah but she's hurting you without knowing..."
"I will tell her...But not now..."
"Then when!"
"When the moment will come..."
"Good luck with that"

I want to give her a chance , because she has been my friend for a while and the whole gang wouldn't know what to do if we separate.
Benny told me,
"I don't like Laurie, I don't really consider her a friend. If you aren't friends, than I won't be with her."
"Yeah but you can't just not be with her because of that..."
"I'm only her friend because she hangs out with you."

I really thought about it, I was thinking of a way to tell Laurie without hurting her.

She texted me, and acted all bitchy again and I lost it.
I called her a bitch, and then told her that it was over.
I regretted the way I said it, because I should have been nicer.

She wanted explanations so I gave her some, which made her very angry.
She told me to go fuck myself, that I was a bully and that I never cared for her.

It obviously made me mad because I did care for Laurie, she has been my friend for a long time. I was always there for her, when she had crushes, when she had bad notes and simply when we would laugh. We were extremely close, but she changed. She became different, sometimes I think it's because of her crushes of because of the influence of people around us.

Laurie hurt me, all I wanted was no more drama and to forget her.
She made me feel like as if it was all my fault...
I felt guilty, I needed someone to talk to...
I told Brooke and Christine about what happened and showed them the conversation.
After reading they got mad, they said that they didn't want to talk to Laurie.
I told them that I didn't want them to pick sides and that I don't want Laurie to not have friends.
I felt extremely guilty, like it was all my fault.

Maybe I am a bitch, I'm a bad person...
Aren't I?