Fml

6

6 hours in a car with my brothers.
Fun isn't it?
I didn't bring my anti-depression pills with me...
If I'm sad I have to deal with it,
Like I've done for the past year.
It wasn't actually that bad in the car,
I just read and looked out the window.
I looked at my arm that was red from the previous day.
Hopefully by the time I'm back it will fade and Mom won't realize what I've done.

...

After five hours (surprisingly),
We arrived to Niagara Falls, New York.
My first time in another country,
yes I've never been anywhere else than Canada.
People think it's weird since I'm fourteen,
My parents aren't rich.
My parents are separated, it's hard to afford a trip.
All my friends have the chance to go somewhere, for me I can't.
Because life just isn't fair :)
For once I'm going.
It was a sunny day, even if there was a lot of snow.
The drive was almost peaceful,
My brothers were complaining obviously.
Other than that, things were actually great.
We spent six days there, days that were okay.
We did have a lot of fun.
Except one day that I got very mad at my brother.
"Anne I can see your cuts."
"So?"
"I'm telling dad"
"He already knows"
"I don't care, I'll say you did it again"
"Daaaad....Anne cuts herself."
"I know Taylor, we shouldn't talk about that right now. Don't worry about it."
Oh yeah...My Dad that acts all chill like if it wasn't a big deal. He just wants us to think that he has no feelings. Of course he does, he just doesn't want to show it.
He acts like he doesn't care.
"I'll be back", dad said.
"Taylor can't you shut up?"
"Well what it's true that you-"
"STOP SAYING IT TAYLOR JUST BE QUIET."
"I don't care you did it to yourself! Live with the consequences!"
"Everyone did this to me! Just shut the f*ck up!"
"I'm telling Dad-"
I pushed him onto the ground.
He started crying.
Yeah big surprise, it's all my fault isn't it?

The rest of the trip I didn't think about anything...Almost anything.
Until the last day.
It was a colder and darker outside.
While driving I started thinking about everything.
I started to stress about everything,
Seeing my friends, being back to school, seeing Mom again.
I was excited, but at the same time I was lost in thoughts.
I kept thinking about the following week.
I took a look at my arm, it all faded.
You can't even tell that I did it last week.
Great.
At least Mom won't see it, or at least won't tell.
Ugh...I ate so much on this trip. I probably gained a whole bunch of weight. Doesn't matter anyways, even if I didn't gain weight, I'm still fat. I don't want to go back to school,
I have work and a presentation to do.
Oh shit...The fucking presentation,
I was in the car and I felt tears about to fall.
I turned my head and cried silently.
At least I had a break, right?
I got a chance to get away from everything.
Finally!
Finally away from all the drama, bullshit, work....
But now I'm back to reality.
Back to all the shit making me feel this way.