Fml

4

Today is Saturday,
I wore a sweater and jeans, as usual. I don't want Dad to know what I'm doing. My grandmother either, she would tell my father and then talk to me about it and bla-bla-bla.
She always wants to know everything about me... I don't want her to.
She thinks she's the boss of our house, she takes control of everything.
Ugh I hate it, of course my father doesn't do shit about it.
He is miserable, and I sound mean saying this. I just feel bad for him.
He doesn't know how to defend himself, he lets Grandma take over his life.
It's because of her that he has no friends and that he drinks.
He even smoked before, until he got pneumonia as I mentioned.

Pneumonia: Pneumonia is an infection in one or both lungs. It can be caused by bacteria, viruses, or fungi. Bacterial pneumonia is the most common type in adults. Pneumonia causes inflammation in the air sacs in your lungs, which are called alveoli. The alveoli fill with fluid or pus, making it difficult to breathe.

Basically, he smoked all he time and got that. He coughed all the time and couldn't breathe properly. There were nights that he couldn't sleep or was breathing weirdly and I would stare at him to make sure he was okay.
A lot of people die of it, and I was scared.
I was also scared because my grandmother has diabetes, occasionally her blood pressure or something goes down a lot and she starts to feel either cold or hot. She panics and cries because she's in pain.
It's just hard, because that's my life at dads. Thank god Dad doesn't have pneumonia anymore!
At least he brings us on little trips...
Next week is March break, we're going to New York. It will be fun.

Anyways, I didn't do shit this Saturday.
The next day I went to my mothers.
She wanted to talk, as usual since she found out.
"So miss James will see you this week."
"Okay"
"And I have a little idea if you want."
"What do you have in mind?"
"I want to do something with you, like...Maybe get a guitare?"
"Omg really? I've always wanted to play the guitare!"
"Me too! It will be hard, but we can do this together."
"Yes"
A guitare? Oh my god, I've always wanted a guitare....I never thought that I would get one, and they're expensive.
Other than that I didn't do anything Sunday.
Then it was Monday, I did nothing....
All week was boring to be honest.
Well not boring, but nothing extremely special.
Miss James didn't see me until, Friday.
I was nervous because obviously I don't know her.
All week I've been patiently waiting to be called out of my classes... Honestly I hate being in class, I used to love it but now I feel like I'm going to fail everything. Literally. And...Oh god the report card is today....
I'm probably going to fail everything right?
Math, English, my French class, History , Geography, Science.
Ugh literally everything.
I'm in French immersion, which means I get mostly things in french because my parents want me to be bilingual.
Except drama of course, the best subject ever.
Right know we're writing scenes, I'm with people that aren't the best. Well actually just one, Hope. She's a girl who's dated a lot of guys, one of Laurie's exes.
Of course she's perfect, she got the leading role and I'm her sister that is like no one.
She doesn't takes practices seriously and just laughs.
Then at our performance for the first scene she got 100%.
I also did, but she was more recognizable.
I'm not, just a wannabe actress.
Anyways, I'm getting in an other subject.
Miss James, I walked to her desk breathing heavily.
My hands were shaking and my heart was racing.
I have no idea why, I was just nervous.
Nervous to actually talk about my "life".
My arm isn't even that bad, I rolled up my sleeves a bit to see my cuts and put them back down.
I feel so pathetic to have done this, but I can't control it.
It's just unexplainable.
"Hello"
"Oh hello"
I got distracted from thinking.
"How are you?"
Very nervous
"Fine you?"
"Great, It's Nice to meet you Anne. You must be a good girl since I don't know you."
"Yeah haha."
Good girl? Why do I feel like a dog. Cause I'm a bitch? Maybe.
"You're mother talked a lot about you...."
No shit she did
"Yeah I know."
"So basically if I recap...."

It was fine, we just talked about what my mom said about me.
She's nice, calm, kind of like the lady on the kids help line. Except I felt more listened to, she gave advice and tried to actually understand.
Which was weird, with my friends they know what I do but not why.
I don't tell them because I don't know how I should explain it.
Obviously they care and I don't take them for granted, I don't know how to tell them.
I went back to my class and Rolle was whispering
"Why were you gone?"
"Because I left."
"Yeah but why?"
"Because I had to leave."
"Is it because of those cuts?"
Oh right she saw them....
"Maybe"
"That's good.... You need help you know that?"
"Yes I do, you know what else I need?"
"What?"
"To concentrate on my work."

And I jumped in to the pages I didn't do because I was gone.
It felt good to talk about my life...
But I should've said more.
I talked a little about Laurie.
Well, maybe more that a little.
I didn't say too much about her.
Just that she has a lot of crushes.
Including Benny, who is...
To be honest I don't want them to date, not because I don't want Laurie to be happy! But because I don't want Benny to change or be heartbroken.
"Okay so I have your report cards here I'll call you by name..."
OH MY GOD IM GOING TO FAIL EVERYTHING NOOOOOOOOO