Fml

7

After hours I'm finally back...
When I saw my mother we hugged for a few minutes that seamed like an eternity.
"I missed you so much sweetheart"
"Me too mom..."
"Moooom"
Well the moment just got ruined by Taylor....Great.

The next day I was back to school, I saw all my friends and nothing too bad happened...
When I'm with Laurie, there's something holding me back.
There's something about her that makes me feel so...Just mad or jealous.
It's a very confusing feeling, I get it with her.
Christine was with her boyfriend and
Brooke and I were laughing our butts off like always.

The day went pretty okay.
Except that night I realized that I needed to start my presentation.

The most boring topic ever: Economy.
I needed to find an article on the news about it.
I looked through and read something.
I took a few notes, but I couldn't understand how to do it.

I tried so hard to concentrate, but I couldn't.
Last time I did it, I talked way too fast, I was shaking and forgot what to say...I can't do this presentation again! I don't want to...I'll be nervous again.
A few months ago I did the exact same presentation, but about a different news.
I was extremely nervous, I remember having the feeling to vomit and my heart was pounding.
It's a stress that I never experienced.
I knew that for this presentation it would happen again.
I cried, I know that a lot of people get stressed for these things but I never did.
I've never felt like this.
Maybe I should just not do it, then I can not be humiliated and get zero.... I can't do it.

"Anne?"
"Oh...Umm Mom."
"Honey why are you crying!"
"Because..."
I started crying even more.
Good job Anne you look even more pathetic.
"Anne get yourself together! What is wrong now?"
"Nothing..."
Wow Mom....Thanks for making me feel even worse about this.
"Tell me what is wrong."
"This stupid presentation! Mom I'm going to fail...I'll forget all my words and talk way too fast. I'll look horrible....Ugh Mom I can't do this I CANT!"
"Go see Gran..."
Aka my grandmother.
"Fine."
Because you can't help me....

Gran helped me and actually gave me good advice, since of course she was a teacher.

I couldn't sleep....
I don't have insomnia.
Or do I?
I occasionally can't sleep that's all.
A lot of people think that they have problems when they actually don't.
Exemple, someone gets sad once and will say that they are depressed.
Or someone gets stressed rarely and say that they have anxiety.

It bothers me a little, that's why I tell myself nothing is a big deal Anne. People have shittier lives that you do.

Anne: Hey Alexis.
Alexis: Hey! What's up.
Anne: Can't sleep :(
Alexis: Me too.
Anne: So...How are things with your crush?
Alexis: Good! I think that I might maybe ask her out.
What? Really....Ugh seriously...
What if he changes because of her!
I don't want him dating her!
Omg am I jealous?
No no no, I'm not.
Wait maybe I am....
I'm not in love am I?
Anne: Omg Great! I hope that she loves you too.
Alexis: I hope so :)

The conversation was normal,
actually it wasn't.
Usually I'm always happy after texting him,
but I'm getting the feeling that it bothers me that he loves someone else...
And that person isn't me :(

Never mind Alexis!
You haven't seen him in years....
He isn't worth it.
Forget him!
Goodnight...

I told myself to forget him,
and that I don't love him.
But I know that deep down inside that I love him....