Fml

19

Everyday is a hard day, always something in my mind driving me crazy.
But it's okay, because I just focus on the positive.

After months and months of writing my life, I finally feel better.
It's like relief.
Without Laurie, I feel like I can be me.
Getting help and having people be there for me, really is better.

I have to admit, sometimes I want to cut myself and lately I focus a lot on what I eat.

But things are getting better.
I'm redoing my room, basically a new ambience.
I'm finally going to meet Alexis who I've been texting for a while.
My dad is making more time for us without my brothers.
My birthday is next week and I will make an awesome party.
I'm going to CUBA!
I'm having more fun with my friends.
I've realized that so many people are there for me.
I finally have a real smile.
Because I shouldn't fake it.

I do feel very self conscious sometimes,
Of course we all do.
I guess that I think that I'm fat and ugly, but lately I feel beautiful.

This whole story...Started of horribly, last month was the hardest moment of all.
Things felt wrong and I didn't know what to do, Laurie really made me feel miserable.
As time went by I realized so many things.
I am a teenager and I'm definitely changing, it's normal.
I need to focus on the positive, even if some days can feel long and difficult.

It's already June, almost the end.
I have a summer to make amazing!
Even if half of the year was the worst year of my life, I still have the rest to look forward to.

I thought about suicide a lot, but I can't end my life already.
Even if it doesn't feel like it...I am worth something to so many people.
We all have that moment where we want to end it all, but we never know what the future holds!
I am getting better, I'm not perfect and that's okay.
At times I thought that there was no point of being here, but seeing all the people that care and what I can do...I have a purpose.
We all do.