Cousin of Bilbo Baggins: The Hobbit

Trolls

Third Person

It is nighttime; Bombur and Astrid has prepared a dinner of soup, and the dwarves are eating it. Bofur and Astrid are serving it to everyone. "Here, do us a favor: take this to the lads" Bofur says. As he hands Bilbo two bowls of soup to take to Fili and Kili; Bilbo leaves. Bombur tries to take more soup.

"Stop it, you've had plenty" Astrid scolds Bombur and Bofur gives his brother a stern look. But when Bofur wasn't looking Astrid gave the rest of her bowl to Bombur. "You didn't get it from me" she tells him winking and he smiles. Just then Fili and Kili run into camp.

"Trolls!" they shout.

"Where?" Thorin asks.

"And where's Bilbo?" I ask them and they avoid my eyes.

"Answer our questions" Thorin tells them.

"Bilbo went to save the ponies from the three trolls" Fili answers. Thorin ordered everyone to grab their weapons and the brother lead them to the trolls. Where they see Bilbo being held by one of the trolls. Kili suddenly runs out of the bushes and cuts William in the leg, making him howl and fall down.

"Drop him!" Kili orders Tom.

"You what?" Tom asks.

"I said, drop him" Kili states. Tom throws Bilbo at Kili; Bilbo lands on Kili, knocking them both down. The rest of the Company charges out of the bushes yelling and brandishing their weapons. They begin fighting the trolls, hacking, slashing, and hammering their legs. As the dwarves and she hobbitfight, Bilbo grabs William's knife and cuts the ropes, freeing the ponies. Tom, seeing this, grabs Bilbo. The dwarves stop fighting when they see the trolls holding Bilbo by the arms and legs.

"Bilbo!" Astrid shouts.

"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip his off" Tom states. Thorin looks at Bilbo in frustration, then plants his sword in the ground. The others drop their swords and weapons as well.

The trolls have tied several dwarves (Dwalin, Bofur, Dori, Ori and Nori) onto a spit and are roasting them over a fire; the rest (Thorin, Kili, Gloin, Bombur, Balin and Oin), and Bilbo along with Astrid, are tied up in sacks nearby. "Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly" William suggests.

"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage" Bert states.

"Is this really necessary?" Dori asks.

"Ooh, that does sound quite nice" William tells Bert. The dwarves on the spit and in the bags are all making noises and talking in fear.

"Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone" Tom tells them. Bilbo, hearing what Tom said, has an idea.

"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake" Bilbo tells the trolls.

"You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori shouts.

"Half-wits? What does that make us?" Bofur asks. Bilbo manages to stand up, although still tied up in a sack. He faces the three trolls. While Astrid watches, worried for her cousin as she finally reaches the knife in her boot.

"Uh, I meant with the, uh, with, uh, with the seasoning" Bilbo states.

"What about the seasoning?" Bert asks.

"Well have you smelt them?" Astrid asks the trolls.

"You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up" Bilbo states. The dwarves yell at Astrid and Bilbo, calling them traitors. The ones in sacks kick them both.

"Stop that" Astrid snaps at the dwarves in the sacks and manages to stand herself. She hops over to her older cousin.

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" Tom asks the hobbits.

"Shut up, and let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit and pretty girl talk" Bert tells Tom.

"Uh, th--the secret to cooking dwarf is, um--" Bilbo says.

"Yes? Come on" Bert tells him.

"It's, uh--" Bilbo says trying to think and looks at his cousin for help.

"Tell us the secret" Bert presses.

"Ye--yes, I'm telling you, the secret is ... to skin them first" Astrid states.

"Tom, get me the filleting knife" Bert says holding a hand out.

"If I get you, you little..." Gloin starts to say only to cut off by Dwalin.

"I won't forget that!" Dwalin shouts and Astrid roles her eyes.

"What a load of rubbish! I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all" Tom says. Astrid and Bilbo notice Gandalf slipping behind some trees nearby.

"'e's right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy" William states. He grabs Bombur, who is in a sack, and dangles him upside down over his mouth, about to eat him.

"Not--not that one, he--he's infected!" Astrid shouts.

"You what?" Tom asks.

"Yeah, He's got worms in his ... tubes" Bilbo states. William drops Bombur back into the pile of Dwarves in disgust.

"In--in fact we all have, we're in--infested with parasites" Astrid tells the trolls.

"It's a terrible business; I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't" Bilbo adds shaking his head.

"Parasites, did she say parasites?" Oin asks.

"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kili shouts and Astrid rolls her eyes. How thick can dwarves be? Don't they get she and her cousin are stalling the trolls from eating them.

The rest of the dwarves chime in about how they don't have parasites and how Bilbo is a fool. Bilbo rolls his eyes as the dwarves mess up his plan. Thorin, understand Bilbo's plan, kicks the others. They then understand and go along with it. All the dwarves begin proclaiming about how they're 'riddled' with parasites.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm" Oin states.

"Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites" Kili charms. As Dori, Nori, and Ori say they're riddled with parasites.

"What would you have us do, then, let 'em all go?" Tom asks the two hobbits.

"Well..." they say avoiding eye contact.

"You think I don't know what you're up to? These little ferrets are taking us for fools!" Tom states.

"Ferret?" Bilbo asks. While Bert asks 'fools?'. Gandalf appears on top of a large rock above the clearing saying 'the dawn will take you'.

"Who's that" Bert asks and Tom answers 'no idea. While William asks 'can we eat him too?' Gandalf strikes the rock with his staff, splitting it in half, allowing the sunlight behind it to pour into the clearing. When the sunlight touches the trolls' skin, they begin turning into stone amidst loud screams and howls of pain. Within seconds, there are three stone statues of trolls in the clearing. All the dwarves cheer for Gandalf. Of course, the dwarves on the spit, including Dwalin, still look uncomfortable.

"Oh, get your foot out of my back!" Dwalin shouts. Astrid cuts herself free then helps Bilbo while Gandalf gets the dwarves off the spit. Soon everyone was free and they realize there must be a cave nearby. The found it, Gandalf and Thorin got swords. While Gandalf found two smalls ones fro the two hobbits.

They just got out of the cave when they heard someone approaching. Bilbo and Astrid draw their new swords from their sheathes as the company closes ranks. "Thieves! Fire! Murder!" Radaghast shouts pulling to a stop in front of the company.

A/N

Picture above of William, Tom and Bert (the three trolls).