Ellie
Two days.
It's been two days since I've talked to Harry. I've been staring at my phone for the past few minutes deciding if I wanted to call him and Lacey has been visiting and staying with other friends so I can't even ask her.
I picked up my phone, finding Harry's name. It rang twice before he answered and my heart has never been beating so fast.
"Hey," he sounded sad and I wanted to cry for him.
"Hi," I wasn't sure what I was calling for, I just wanted to hear his voice.
"What's up?" I heard him move something and I looked down, biting my lip.
"I miss you." There was a long pause before I heard anything at all.
"I miss you, too." I smiled a little bit when he said it back because I for sure didn't think he was going to.
There was another long pause before I found my voice. "Okay, I'll let you get back to whatever you're doing." I told him and he sighed.
"It's okay, we can still talk, El," he sounded desperate so I thought quickly and before I could change my mind I spoke up.
"Come over." I knew what was going to happen if he came but I didn't even care right at this moment.
"On my way."
••
I ran my hands through my hair while Harry slept soundly beside me.
"Fuck me," I whispered, rubbing my face.
"Already done," I heard Harry whisper from his spot on the bed and I punched his arm. I missed him so much.
"Brat," I rolled over and wrapped my arms around his waist, but he rolled over so we were face to face.
"Have I ever told you you're really pretty?" He mumbled, pushing himself up so that he was sitting.
"Maybe once or twice," I said, running my fingers through his curls. The sides of his mouth curved up slightly and I smiled, even though his eyes were closed.
"Look, El, I should go," his eyes wandered from mine and I scoffed.
"Are you kidding me?" Anger rose in my chest and I sat up, pulling on a bralette that had been sitting on the floor. "We just fucked and you're going to leave?"
He sighed and looked at me, "Ellie, we didn't agree that this would fix things." I couldn't believe he thought this was all I wanted.
"You know what Harry, fine. Get out." His face fell and he reached his hand up to touch my face. I pushed him away and stood up, pulling on my shorts.
"Ellie, stop." He got out of bed and pulled on his sweatpants. I backed away from him and pointed at the door.
"Leave me alone, you wanted a good fuck and you got one, so you can go." My heart felt like someone was slowly peeling layers off as Harry picked up his sweater and walked over to my door, his shaggy head looking back at me.
"I came over because I love you. I hope you know that." He looked at me, waiting for a response but I just shook my head and he sighed.
"Please, go." Tears slipped out of my eyes without me even noticing and he frowned, walking out.
I stood in the same spot for what felt like hours before I finally crumbled to the ground, my heart shattering.
••
I felt empty.
Not because I had been throwing up and crying for the past two days, but because something was missing from my body. Someone was missing.
Lacey came to say goodbye yesterday so I forced myself to look put together and held down my vomit for the two hours she was here, promising she would visit again soon.
My dad didn't ask why I had been staying home from work, but I'm sure he already knew.
I leaned against the counter, putting my head in my hands before hearing my phone buzz.
dad: please go out today, even if you just go grab a coffee.
I sighed, thinking about going out.
me: I'll try
I put on my concealer and mascara, too tired to put on anything else and straightened my wavy hair.
I quickly pulled on leggings and a grey sweater and jean jacket while looking in the mirror. I looked the best I had in a few days and I even felt a little bit better.
I ran down the steps and put on my converse before grabbing my keys and locking the front door behind me.
••
"Hi, can I just get a medium coffee black and a chocolate chip muffin please," I smiled at the guy who was working and he returned it.
"Of course, is that everything?" He bit his lip and I nodded, seeming to have lost my voice.
"$5.45 please," I handed him a ten dollar bill and he gave me my change.
"I'm Ellie, by the way," I smiled shyly and he chuckled.
"I'm Mason, it's nice to meet you Ellie." My cheeks flushed and he laughed, passing me my muffin.
He turned away before I could say anything so I stepped to the side and waited for my coffee.
I thanked him when he passed me my cup and told me to have a good day, before I left.
I sat in my car, eating my muffin while a vance joy song played in the background. Usually, I would be going to Harry's and we would make dinner and watch a movie before falling asleep, but now I'm going home to do that myself.
I skipped dinner when I got home and just went straight to my bed. It still smelled like him so I threw all the covers off my bed in frustration.
I screamed, kicking the blankets towards my bathroom and before I knew it my door was opening.
"Ellie," I heard my dad call before his eyes met my spot on the floor. "Oh buddy," he was soon rushing over to me and sitting on the floor beside me.
"I can't do it without him." I whispered, putting my face in my knees.
"Ellie, Harry's not going to be the only one. There will be boys who you will fall deeper in love with and they will love you even more." I shook my head.
"I don't want to love those boys. I want to love Harry, even on the days I don't." I was surprised I hadn't started crying, but I'm sure I've dried out of tears.
"I think Harry will come around. He's hurting just as much as you." My dad kissed my head before standing up and pulling me with him. "Get in a bath and I'll change your sheets." I smiled at him before it quickly faded away.
"Thanks dad," and that's when I decided I wasn't going back to Harry.
Xoxo
