Ellie
"Ellie!" I heard someone call and I sat up faster than I've ever done anything, my forehead and back dripping sweat. "You're okay, honey." I heard my dads voice and relaxed in his arms, bursting into tears.
He didn't say anything, just hugged me and I was more than okay with it. My heart was still racing, my hands grabbing the sheets to hold me up.
"What- what happen- was I," I stuttered before my dad spoke.
"Are you taking your meds?" Was all he had to say for me to know and I starting sobbing again.
"I didn't think I needed them, I thought I was okay, what aren't I okay?" I kicked my legs, frustrated.
"You're going to have good and bad patches, remember what Dr. Rumby said?" I nodded and pulled away from him.
"You can go back to sleep dad, I'm sorry for waking you." I felt awful, hugging him before laying back down.
"Don't apologize bug, it's okay, love you." He walked towards my door, turning around and smiling when I told him I loved him too.
"Goodnight," he whispered, shutting off my light.
"Night, dad," I said loud enough for him to hear before rolling over when the door was shut and grabbing my laptop.
I pulled up Netflix and started a new episode of Greys Anatomy, already knowing what happens because I've seen them all.
4:24 a.m read at the bottom of the screen and I sighed, officially a year ago today my brother was killed by a man who thought vodka could solve all his problems.
Watching the last fifteen minutes because I started it yesterday, I shut my laptop and put it on the table beside my bed.
Pulling myself out of bed I walked into my bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth before pulling on black lulu lemon shorts and a grey sports bra with a white shirt over it.
I grabbed my phone and earbuds along with a water from the kitchen, grabbing my keys as I left as quietly as I could.
The drive to my gym was only five minutes so I got there around five, seeing my old trainer walk in.
I grabbed everything I needed and got out, locking my door.
"Eliana?" As soon as I walked in someone was talking to me.
"Ray!" I turned around and looked at the built man. He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same, placing my bag on the same hook I always use.
"How've you been?" He asked, his eyes grazing my body quickly.
"It's been okay, how are you?" My tongue was dry and I wanted nothing more than to just start working out.
"Good, it's been good," he nodded, a smile on his lips, "well, I'll let you go, holler if you need me okay?" He placed a hand on my shoulder and I assured him I would.
••
My eyes watered and I hadn't even said anything to the stone that held so much grief. My dad had made his way back to the car to give me some alone time, which I appreciated. I took a deep breath, trying to start for the hundredth time.
"Hey dude," I smiled, wiping my tears with my sleeve. "I miss you, a lot, but I'm sure you know that. It's a little different around here, quieter." I laughed softly and sat beside the numerous flowers that littered the ground. "I have a boyfriend now, Harry. I'm sure you're watching over me so you know he's nice and you guys would have been so close, I'm sorry you're not here to threaten and beat his ass though," I started crying in a way I never had and soon enough my dad was rubbing circles in my back.
"I love you, I'll see you soon." I pressed a kiss to my hand before placing it on the tombstone. My eyes glanced over to the one beside him and I sighed.
Alexia June Brones Adams
I glanced at my dad and he shook his head, telling me to follow him. "Dad, she's dead." I said and ran a hand over the rock. "Cut her some slack." I mumbled before looking back at Joe's.
"Alright Joe, take it easy." I said the same thing as always and my dad placed a kiss to the tombstone, saying he loved him.
"I think I'll take Harry here tonight," I pursed my lips and my dad nodded.
"I think that'd be good for you, I'm proud of you kiddo." My dad pulled me into him and I smiled, hugging him and thanking him shortly after.
After getting home and eating, I sat in my room for what felt like hours. My ceiling was starting to look boring and I rolled over, picking up my phone for the first time all day.
Harry texted four times and Lacey texted once saying she hoped I was doing okay and she knew it was a rough day.
Morning baby
I hope you're having the best day you can
I'm going to the studio so I'll text you when I'm home x
I'm home now baby, please answer
I sighed, knowing he was probably worried and I should text him but I so desperately just wanted to turn my phone over and sleep forever.
sorry love, you can come over. I have somewhere I want to take you x
I got up, pulling on sweatpants and a cropped tank top. My chest was heavy and I sighed, looking the mirror. I had seen this side of me for the past two years and I was honestly nervous for Harry to see it.
After brushing my teeth and hair, I quickly braided my hair in two braids, mentally thanking myself for not wearing any makeup as I washed my face with exfoliate and put on moisturizer.
Walking out to my room, I threw my face towel in the hamper before turning to slip on my blue crocs to meet Harry downstairs.
I gasped when arms slipped around my waist before hearing a familiar laugh. I turned around and wrapped my arms around the curly haired boy.
"I didn't hear you come in." I mumbled against his chest.
"Here," he ignored my comment and held out a familiar looking drink.
"You got me a milkshake?" I said, looking up at him. "You're so sweet, oh my." I pressed a kiss to his lips quickly and he kissed my forehead.
"It's nothing babe, where are we going?" He reminded me and I grabbed his hand, pulling him down the stairs and into my car.
He didn't say anything, knowing it was probably the best idea, but his hand rested on my thigh the whole time.
I pulled into the parking lot and looked over at him. "Come on," I got out, locking the door and walking through the rows of tombs.
I stopped at my brothers and Harry looked at me, "Ellie, I-" he started but I cut him off.
"It's okay, you can talk to him if you want." I sat down on the wet grass and Harry quickly followed. "Hey Joe, this is Harry, I told you about him earlier. I just thought you should know, never mind." I went to stand up, thinking it was kind of stupid but Harry grabbed my arm.
"It's really, really nice to meet you Joe, Ellie talks about you lots." He put his hand on my knee and I wiped my nose, sniffling. "I promise I'm treating her good and I love her very much, you've got nothing to worry about there mate," he laughed a little bit, placing his hand on the grave and all I could do was wish that was Joe's shoulder and not a rock that was suppose to represent his life.
"But Ellie tells me you're into sports, that's sick man." Harry started and I could tell we were going to be here a while.
Xoxo
