amirah
(after she left the lunch room)
i avoided looking at finn as best as i could. if i looked i would've thrown up.
not because he's ugly. lord knows he's not. just whenever i think about him or see an old picture of him in my phone, bad thoughts appear and i can't handle them.
you would've thought i was running because of how fast i was trying to get out of there.
i didn't even want to go to school, but josh made me. he said something about child protective services coming to the apartment if i stayed home too many times in a row.
i'm getting sick. my nose is stuffy, i have a fever and i lost my voice. not because of being sick though, because of the argument me and josh got into.
of course it was about finn because when is it not.
it's like the more i try and get away from him, the more he makes an appearance in my head.
i can look at a poster on a building and somehow connect it to him.
so when josh told me to "get over it", it set something off.
how am i supposed to get over someone that was in my life every single day for 4 years. someone who always made sure i was okay before anyone else. someone who supported me with every decision i had even because he wanted to see me happy.
someone who i love.
finn was my everything and now he's gone.
josh has no room to speak on my situation with him. they still hang out and talk almost everyday.
so yeah.
i screamed and cried at him. i've never raised my voice at that boy in my life.
he stared at me with wide eyes as i poured my heart out about what i've been feeling for the past month, even the thoughts that keep recurring.
i even saw a few tears come out of his eyes.
he apologized and hugged me until i fell asleep.
i forgive him because he's my brother and he didn't really understand where i was coming from. he just needed me to explain myself i guess.
i refuse to sit at the table so i took my food with me into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall.
luckily no one saw me walk into the bathroom with the tray of food. i didn't want to explain.
but someone did come into the bathroom shouting my name.
it was millie.
i know her voice from anywhere.
"come on love, i know you're in here." she spoke again.
i placed my tray on the thing that contains the toilet paper and unlocked the door. not like i was planning on actually eating it.
"there you are." she held her arms open and i basically fell into them dreading to be comforted.
i subconsciously began sobbing in her shoulder as she rubbed my back.
"i know babe." she cooed.
as i cried, i heard footsteps coming into the bathroom but blatantly ignored it. it was probably awkward to come in and see a girl weeping when you just wanted to take a quick piss.
she let me sob into he shoulder for about two minutes before she pulled away and gently wiped the tears from my eyes.
i only open my eyes when millie's thumb gets a little too close to the actual opening of my eyes and they flinch at the sudden touch.
i realized the footstep were sadie and sophia and my heart jumped a little at the sight of them.
i didn't know whether to be angry or not since they haven't made any attempt to see me during my hiatus.
so i looked in between sophia and sadie for a second and then looked back at millie.
sadie chewed on her bottom lip and sophia fiddled with her fingers.
fuck it.
i wrapped my arms around both of them and they quickly returned the gesture.
we pulled away and they gave me a sad smile.
i sniffed and wiped the remained tears off of my face.
"the boys are outside, they wanna see you too." millie said with a little smile.
i haven't seen my boys in a while and i did miss them a lot so i guess it wouldn't hurt to see them.
i came out of the bathroom and behold, a group of teenage boys crowded outside the girls bathroom. sounds a little weird.
they were talking about something but stopped when jaeden nodded his head in the direction of where i was standing.
i scanned everyone's faces, in hope of seeing finn but i didn't. it was a little bit of a stretch to think he would come but it was a thought.
i noticed wyatt was missing too but he's probably still asleep and no one woke him up.
everyone ran to me and huddled around me in a big group hug.
i laughed for the first time in weeks, thinking about how ridiculous we must look. all huddled in the middle of a empty hallway.
i wouldn't have it any other way though.
but i definitely would.
