Severed Silence

Security Blanket

Food

It's her constant

From eat-offs to midnight snacks

The monster concealed between two pieces of bread

Temptation, the need for more

The need to overcompensate

The result of her searches for happiness at the bottom of a chip bag

She finds comfort and then stripped bare

As her excursions are revealed beneath her shirt

The unfairness of it all leaves her reeling

How is it that something so good can turn so bad so quickly?

Others find comfort in art or music

Her security blanket is a mountain of carbs and sugary treats

The other girls who find pleasure in other things never regret it in the morning

The pain of the stares and laughter cuts into her and shoots straight through the layers of flesh to her heart, which is much too big for the body that others find repulsive

Nobody made up a hurtful name that describes beautiful actresses or the models that she envies

Her pain shows as the numbers go up

After every shower she steps onto the scale, afraid to see how many pounds she's added today

She reminds herself over and over of her miniscule self worth

She writes the things they say on Post-Its

"Whale"

"Glutinous"

"I would kill myself if I looked like her"

Every whisper, she reminds herself

She finds ways to lose weight fast from articles in the darkest depths of her late night searches through the internet

She tries every diet

She eats every pea and carrot

It consumes her

And as her body shrinks her heart dries up right along with it

And yet the lump beneath her shirt comes back after every extra bite

She eats and then goes to the bathroom and brings it right back up, praying that this will work

She's starving yet refuses to eat

She loved herself, before them

The whispers and the sly comments

And so she slips back under her security blanket, plays it safe

Her clothes get bigger but so does she

Masking her insecurities beneath folds of extra fabric

And everything she tries fails

But it never occurred to her to simply love herself