Severed Silence

Thread

I missed you again today

for the first time in a very long time I softened my heart enough to allow myself to think about you

All the things I said and all the things I didn't say

We were perfect on the outside

but being perfect on the outside doesn't make you feel perfect on the inside

And like a fool I pulled at the only thing that I hadn't asked

Like a loose thread on a sweater, I pulled

Even though I knew after I did it would all unravel around me

I miss you

And I can't say everything I didn't say now because it would just sound stupid

But as I thought about you I imagined everything I wanted to say

Everything I want to say

So here it goes:

I gave you so many reasons why I liked you

You're smart

Funny

Cute

Know exactly what to say

And the list goes on

But I never told you why I don't like you

You're self centered

You're cocky

You're not a good listener

You have commitment issues

But there's a fine line between like and love

And that is hate

I like you because you're smart, and funny

And cute

And because you know exactly what to say.

I like you because of all those things

But I love you in spite of the fact that you're self centered

And cocky

And that you're not a good listener and you have commitment issues

Like because of and love in spite of

You don't have to be perfect to be loveable

You just have to accept the love that others give you

I don't love you because you're perfect, I love you because you're you

And I love the you that you are

In spite of your flaws

I want to link pinkies with you in the hallways

And let you hug me and be my rock

I want your eskimo kisses and I want to go to prom with you

I've seen your flaws, and that scares you

But I love you in spite of them

That's the difference between like and love

So here I am, pulling the thread and preparing for the cold air beyond the warmth of my sweater

I dread the cold even though the sweater is constructed with uncertainty and fear

I love you

I say

And your silence says it all

Cold is what I feel, not hurt or pain

Simply cold, and longing for you to make me a new sweater constructed from eskimo kisses and linked pinkies

But I know that is a fantasy and that fantasies and reality are not the same

I ask myself this

Do I regret pulling the thread?