Adventures Without Maeve

2.

This is an updated chapter

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Harry thinks that the first few nights without Maeve were the hardest. Her scent was still everywhere. The bed, the couch, the hoodie she left in the kitchen. Her favorite blanket that was still on top of the pillows on her side of the bed because he couldn't bear to move it still. He would wake up each morning with her scent all around him, and things felt normal for those first few minutes.

Harry remembers how it used to feel when he was away on tour and Maeve was at home, it seemed so horrible at the time. To be that far away from her. One phone call away. And now she isn't even in his world anymore. He almost wishes he could go back to that level of separation, but if she was still alive, Harry wouldn't want to be that far away from her ever again. He'd make changes with everything to make sure he didn't miss anything with her.

'Mate, you okay?' Zayn asks, taking a sip of his beer. Harry and Zayn were sitting at the bar in the Kidd household.

'I don't know, Zayn. I really don't know.' Harry frowns a little, lifting his head up to look at Zayn. 'I don't know where to go from here, you know? I'm only 22 and I've lost the love of my life. What happens now? Am I meant to box her things up? Cause I don't want to. I don't want to erase her from our house. But seeing it all hurts. I don't know what to do. It's like the one person I would call for support, the one person who talked me down, the one person I called for everything, is gone. All I want to do is call her and ask what to do. She would know. She just would. I can't call her, I can't ask her what to do. So what happens? I wonder around in the dark until I find an answer?'

'When my dad died, my mum would spend hours staring at our phone. I think she kept hoping that she would pick up and hear on the other end, like it was all some horrible dream. She did it for a whole month, mostly late at night. I remember walking down the stairs one night to get a drink of water and there she was, sitting with the phone in her hands at the kitchen she kept saying "Yaser, please call,". She didn't know what to do either. That was her one call, Harry. But look at her now, sure there are still days when it feels like it just happened, but she found her way eventually. I don't think there is any secret trick, Harry. There wasn't for me, or the rest of my family, we wondered around the dark, trying to figure out how to fill that void. That answer never came, because you don't fill it. You never do. There are still times when we're all gathered around for some holiday and I feel that void, an empty space where he should be. You'll never stop feeling that, that something is missing. It's always there, through everything, no matter what situation it may be.' Zayn looks at Harry with wet eyes, and Harry for the second time today is struck with how lucky he is to have these friends.

'How did you start dealing with it, though?'

'I got back into song writing, I tried to keep busy. Late at night was always the hardest, still is sometimes. I tired myself out to the point where I would fall asleep almost as soon as I went to bed. I don't know if that was the right way to do that, but it's not like there is a manual for this. Mostly though, I made sure I always talked to someone when it felt like it was getting too heavy. I have you four, which was the best. I didn't try to pretend like it didn't hurt when I was with my family, I didn't want to box up those feelings. You have to let someone know how you're feeling.'

'Did your mum box his things?' Harry asks.

'No, she never did. His tools are still in the garage, his clothes are still in the closet. Everything of his is still where he left it. Almost as if he is going to come back for it.' Harry nods.