Growing Pains ✔

Chapter 28

'Oh my god, oh my god,' Charlotte whispered as the full impact of Jamie's words hit her. She could feel bile rising up in her throat and it had nothing to do with being pregnant. Jamie had actually read her diaries. He knew the truth. She felt herself begin to shake, her breaths shallow.

'Sit down,' Louis said, his words distant. 'Andy get your mom a glass of water.' Charlotte sat down on the sofa, dropping her head as she tried to breathe normally.

'What's wrong with mom?' Andy asked fearfully. She tried to look up, and her head spun, waves of nausea hitting her.

'She's just a bit tired,' Louis said as if nothing were amiss. 'Lottie drink this.' She took the glass that Louis handed her, taking a sip of the water.

'I'm fine,' she said forcing herself to focus on Andrew. 'Why don't you and Julia play in the back garden for a bit. It's a nice afternoon.' Andy stood in front of her, looking perplexed.

'Go on,' Louis urged. 'I need to talk to your mom.' Andy pulled a face but he left them to it. 

Charlotte took another sip of water feeling her breathing returning to normal. 'Oh god,' she said again. 'Louis, he knows.'

Louis sat next to her, his shoulders sagging. 'He was always gonna find out. I said you should have told him years ago.'

'Alright, alright,' she snapped resenting the accusation. 'You're right, I'm wrong.'

'It's not a matter of being right Lottie, I just think it would have been better if he'd heard it from you.'

Charlotte rubbed her head, her thoughts running wild. 'I can't believe he read my diaries, I don't know how he knew they even existed. I've not looked at them in years.' Anger began to course through her veins, the invasion of her privacy making her furious. She tried to calm her breathing again.

'He must have been curious,' Louis said. 'What did you even write in them?'

Charlotte tried to think. 'Everything and nothing. I only wrote in them occasionally.' She knew she hadn't kept a detailed account of her life but she'd written her thoughts about things she couldn't tell anyone else, however she was sure the details were brief. Half the time she was loathed to think about it much less write about it.

Louis looked at her, a slight frown on his face. 'When you say everything-'

'No not that! I stopped writing altogether after I lost Caroline.' She swallowed hard, even after all these years she couldn't talk about losing her first daughter.

Louis cleared his throat. 'Okay, it could be worse. But you're gonna have to talk to Jamie about what Nick did. You're the victim here, if he's gonna be angry at anyone it should be his dad.' Charlotte could hear the anger in his voice, and she thought she wasn't the only one who suppressed their feelings. They both avoided any discussion of her first marriage, not wanting it to intrude on their happiness.

'The way he looked at me Louis, it was like I'd betrayed him,' she said wincing at the memory of Jamie's face.

Louis squeezed her hand. 'I know but that's probably how he feels right now. I mean you've been lying to him his whole life.'

A surge of indignation swept through her. 'For heaven's sake, you know it's not like that.' He gave her a doubtful look. 'It isn't, I've done everything I could to protect him. To protect him from his father, to protect him from knowing what kind of a monster his dad really is.'

Louis sighed. 'Lottie you can't protect him from knowing who his dad is. He's not the only kid with a shit parent and that's on Nick, not you.'

Charlotte shook her head, Louis always made it sound so simple. 'Well it's not fair, Jamie deserves better than a father like that.'

'So you want to let him think his dad's some sort of stand up guy?'

Charlotte bristled at the sarcasm. 'He knows his dad's not perfect, but he didn't need to know the rest. So long as Nick doesn't hurt him, well that's enough for me. So long as Jamie is safe with him.'

'You really think your silence has bought Jamie's safety?' Louis asked as they descended into an often repeated argument. Charlotte sighed, her fingers knotting together.

'Well Nick's never laid a finger on him,' she pointed out although it was what she feared every time Jamie was with him. 'And he agreed for overnight contact to take place at his parents house, he wouldn't have done that if he'd thought I was poisoning Jamie's mind against him.' She could feel her frustration rising. Louis was barely around when she was desperately trying to divorce Nick. He didn't understand why she'd made the compromises she had, not really.

'To be honest, I think Nick would have agreed to that,' Louis said pondering. 'It probably suited him to have his parents help look after Jamie, he's never shown that much interest in him.' Charlotte felt wounded by his words, like someone she was partly responsible for Jamie having such an inadequate father; after all, Nick was her bad choice.

'Well you might be right but that wasn't a chance I was willing to take. Jamie was safe with Nick's parents, and at least I had something like peace of mind.' She hadn't entirely but it was better than Jamie being alone with his dad.

'I always told you not to let him have Jamie overnight.'

'It was court ordered,' Charlotte repeated for the umpteenth time. 'I didn't want to go back to court and have all my private affairs raked over, and Nick would have done that if I'd stopped contact.' 

'I still think you should have-' Louis stopped talking as the telephone ringing interrupted them. Charlotte was glad of the intrusion, and she sat back while Louis got up to answer. 

'It's Darlene,' he said, and she shook her head indicating she didn't want to take the call. 'Jamie's with you. Right, okay. If you're sure? Great. I'll see you later.'

'What was that all about?' Charlotte demanded as soon as Louis said goodbye.

'Jamie's at their house,' Louis said putting the phone back on the hook. 'Darlene said he can stop over tonight.'

Charlotte groaned. 'Great, so Darlene knows our business now.' That was just what she needed, another person interfering in her private life. 'Why's he there anyway? He's just had detention for fighting with Junior.' She rubbed her head feeling the beginnings of a migraine.

'Seems like they're friends again,' Louis said shrugging. 'Boys are like that.'

Charlotte pulled a face, still not happy about Jamie fighting. 'I don't want Jamie throwing his fists about like...' she stopped, she didn't have to finish the sentence.

'Lottie, Jamie is not like his dad. But kids fight, I did when I was his age.'

Charlotte rolled her eyes. 'You did not Louis, well apart from that stupid brawl with Bobby Henderson.' She vaguely recalled seventeen-year-old Louis getting into a fight in the locker room. 'And anyway Bobby started it. From what the principal told me Jamie started the fight with Junior.' She sort of wished it had been the other way around, she didn't want people thinking her son was a thug.

'Actually Lottie I started the fight with Bobby, well I threw the first punch,' Louis said chuckling.

'That's not what you told me at the time.'

Louis grinned at her. 'Bobby said you were a slut so I thumped him.'

'What!' She felt offended on behalf of her sixteen-year-old self.

'Yeah, that's what happened. But what I'm saying is don't build some scrap with Junior into more than it is. Jamie is not his father's son.'

She breathed out slowly, trying to feel reassured by Louis's words. 'I hope to god you're right....'

                                                                 ~~~