Her Name Isn't Snow

Chapter 11

It felt like everything was going wrong. Was this a joke? A cruel joke the gods were playing on him? First, he learns of Emylea's child, his child. Next, he is assigned to the stewards when he knew he was meant to be a ranger, it was Allister paying him back for sure. And now, his father was being convicted as a traitor for supposedly killing the king. Everything was falling apart, he was the traitor's bastard and there wasn't a thing he could do. His mind was drifting, to her, to his child to be, to his father, to being Commander Mormont's steward, to the dead men Ghost found when he and Sam went beyond the wall to take their vows, and back to her. Was she safe? If his father was being convicted of treason, he wouldn't be able to protect her. With the King dead she didn't have his protection either, she was alone. She needed him. 

"Jon!" 

Jon was snapped out of his thoughts at the calling of his name. For a moment he had forgotten that he was dining with Sam. 

"Sorry, what were you saying?" Jon asked, taking another bite of the salted meat with onions stew they were having. 

"Are you alright Jon? You seem out of your head" Sam asked, the concern for his friend evident on his face. 

"Just got a lot on my mind is all" Jon answered vaguely, only increasing Sam's worry. 

"Do you want to talk about it? My mother said that talking things out is the best way to sort one's thoughts" Sam offered with a sheepish smile. 

"It's alright, I'll manage" Jon mumbles doing his best to muster a smile, but his mind was full of worries that showed on his face. 

"You sure?" Sam pressed. Sam was starting to get curious and when Sam got curious he almost always found an answer. 

"Some other time perhaps" Jon offered, thinking about how nice it would be to confide in someone. 

"Hey Sam, Jon," Pip said walking over to where they were sitting. Jon only looked up in greeting. 

"Jon, the Lord Commander wants to speak with you, it sounded urgent," Pip said as he took a bowl of the stew and began to eat. Jon only sighed. He had been a steward for a while now and was slowly getting used to it, but he still had dreams of being a ranger, of going farther north. 

"Thanks" Jon mumbled and slowly stood up and began to make his way to the Lord Commander's chambers. It felt like a quick walk as he climbed up the stairs, for a moment his mind was empty but then everything came flooding back as he knocked on the Lord Commander's door. 

"Enter" the old bear bellowed, allowing Jon to open the door to see Commander Mormont looking over some scrolls. 

"You summoned me, my Lord?" Jon asked. 

"Yes, have a seat Snow" he mumbled absently, too engrossed in the scroll to bother looking up at Jon. Jon sat in the chair in front of Commander Mormont and waited. Lately, it seemed that was all Jon was doing, waiting. 

"She must be something special to have you out of your wits" Mormont mumbled as he set the scroll back down on his desk. 

"Excuse me?" Jon asked, slightly confused. 

"You think I don't see every scroll that comes through this place? I've been reading your correspondences between this Emylea or Rhaella or whatever her bloody name is, and this last one has got me as puzzled as you" he admits looking at Jon with what almost could be considered a sympathetic smile. Jon remained silent, unsure of what he should say or even what he could say, could they behead him for having a lover?

"I want you to be honest with me Snow, is the child yours?" Mormont asks, looking deep into Jon's eyes. Jon could feel his heart starting to race, but he felt like he could trust the old bear.