Her Name Isn't Snow

Chapter 16

Jon wouldn't admit just how much pain he was in, at least not out loud. Not only because of the beating Craster gave him, a beating that left cuts and bruises all over his skin and peppered his face with blood. No, not only because of that but because he was ripped away from the woman he loved most in the world right when she needed him. And their child, he had only gotten to hold her a moment before she was ripped away too. And because of that Jon was in pain, and full of anger. 

He was tossed inside Craster's house like a sack of flour, landing on the floor and his bruised ribs. 

"Out! All of you!" Craster shouted in anger. Jon slowly pulled himself off the floor as the Lord Commander and Craster spoke, negotiating to one more night in the man's keep and then being on their way. 

Mormont led Jon outside and pinned him to one of the stable pillars. 

"WHO AM I?!" he shouted at Jon. Jon remained silent, unsure of himself and of the Lord Commander's wrath. 

"WHO AM I?!" he continued to shout. 

"Lord Commander" Jon answered meekly. 

"And what are you?" 

Jon had so multiple answers to that question. A bastard, a father, a lover, a friend, a man. But the answer Mormont wanted was

"A steward, your steward" 

"Exactly"

"But Lord Commander, the boys, he's been sacrificing em, leaving them for dead" Jon exclaimed, but the Lord Commander gave a shifty look, not daring to meet Jon's gaze. 

"You knew" Jon mumbled, feeling disgusted at the thought that the Lord Commander knew and still stayed with Craster, allowed rangers to stay in his home as guests. 

"Of course I knew! But as I said before, Craster is a friend to the Night's Watch, countless rangers have stayed in his keep and will continue to do so as long as you keep your mouth shut and mind yourself" Mormont snapped, before storming away, leaving Jon to tend his wounds. 

Robb was heartbroken. Maybe that's what fueled his rage on the attack on the Lannister camp. It was a ruthless battle and although Robb's mind was active, calculating every swing of his sword and every move he made to avoid being cut, he was numb. It was as if he were fighting in a dream. Nothing felt real, he didn't feel real. 

Earlier the previous day Robb had received a raven, delivered to him by a messenger from Riverrun. He could still feel the written words echoing in the walls of his mind. 

My Dear Robb, 

It pains me to leave you in this way. I wish you could be with me but at the same time, I'm glad you are not. I don't want you to see me like this, to remember me in this way. On my deathbed, knowing that I have failed you in every possible way. I'm sorry I didn't make it, and that our child won't either. I wish you the best in life Robb, to find your happiness. I'll be with you every step, we both will. I love you.

~Rhaella

Robb Stark, I am sorry to inform you that your wife and child died during childbirth. Her words were spoken and written down by the maester so they could be delivered to you. Her final request. 

Her final request. Died during childbirth. Find your happiness. 

All these phrases ran through Robb in a broken loop. He walked away from camp, scroll in his hands and sat down at the base of a tree, somewhere no one would be able to see him. Only then did he cry. Perhaps that was why he was so ruthless in battle, Robb had nothing left to lose. Except for her ghost, something he saw that morning on the battlefield.