Dream Daddy oneshots

Mat, Joseph, and Mary headcannons

Oof, these are all gay as heck

Mat

- Cannot function without at least one cup of coffee in the morning. He is a tired slug. 

- After serious consideration, you guys get a cat. Carmensita named it Uma Purrman.

- You guys go to as many concerts as you can. Jonathan Jones and the Speak Easy Choir have opened for five of them.

- Carmensita is taking drum lessons. You're the one teaching her, because you used to play with your old band (i love breaking canon hehe). #beststepdad

 - Mat has a headache

- You guys take turns accompanying Carmensita and her friends to those terrible boy band concerts, Amanda is worried about your sanity

- Mat is thicc, y'all can fight me.

Hoe- i mean Joseph

- He's not naturally blonde, he was born a brunette. Now I feel like one of those moms who gossip at a hair salon and has like a generic af name like Sharon or Debbie.

- His kids are great, once you get to know them...

- Margaritaville intensifies

- Amanda and the twins have a weird, non spoken agreement about twin telepathy and what are appropriate times to use it.

- When he gets drunk, he's very sexual. Ehehehe, very. Very. So don't give him too much alcohol, or do, IDGAF. He's not my Dream Daddy.

- Mary is pretty chill about it, and she gets to be the "Cool Weekend Mom™"

- Hahaha, what am I doing with my life? Anyways, he's still trying to help you with your fear of whales.

Mary

- total waifu material

- Damien and her are siblings

- One time it got really awkward because Chris once asked if his Moms would be at Church and Joseph was confused because he hasn't remarried. When they get there he sees Mary with her new girlfriend and he's like, "what. Chris, how did you know?" The child knows all, but will never tell how.

- Y'all are the Cool Weekend Moms™

- Some jerk at the school was picking on the twins, and the douche used a Yo Momma joke. They looked at him and said in synch: "Which one?" He fuckin' passed out. 

- The other kids were confused at why Chris had two moms for the Mother's day school event. One of the other boys walked up to him and said "It's okay, I always bring both my Dads to the Father's day events." His mom comes by and awkwardly apologized. It was lit.

- Robert is super happy for Mary

This is so random but whatever. Bye!

I just realized how fucking southern I sound.