Tyranny: Onwards

Chapter 155- Every Drop Counts

"It's okay to feel this way, Claire. Just please, for all our sakes, stop throwing yourself into danger, I hate having to keep tabs on you to keep you alive, it scares us all. If you got hurt, did you ever think of the impact on us?" Phoenix points out.

I think to myself, Rin probably would know I deserved it. But don't dare say so in front of Phoenix and feel sick to my stomach at the thoughts.

"Don't worry about it, I can help you if you let me." Phoenix attempts to assure me, standing and reaching down to pull me up, I refuse the offer and get up myself. "You don't need to make any decisions right now, we have time, but why don't we just have a relaxing night for now." I nod to this as we trek back through the field of lively nocturnals and swaying, bright, flowers.

I feel a need and a want for everyone to just let me do the entire thing alone but don't understand it. Terribly I wish I could stop doubting myself with every thought, wondering if what I think is really morally correct or if it's simply biased by how I was raised and by my past, but then again, how could I tell if it was? Aren't I only one drop in the river? One pebble on one mountain?

Phoenix turns to me, his eyes bright and hair elegant. "If all the drops of water in the river believed they could make no difference, there would be no river, then no lake and all plants and animals would surely die. If every stone believed itself to be worthless, no mountains would rise stand and many animals and plants would die." These words startle me. of course, this isn't the first time he has seemingly read my thoughts, but, I still am taken aback but his wisdom and words of comfort as we begin up the ladder, Genesis running round the trunk on the platforms.

In response to Phoenix, I say nothing. His Phoenix swoops and dives about us energetically, winds seem to willingly push it along and carry it with a delicate care. We reach the landing where the witch, Eve, is still sitting with her strange things in jars and cases. For an unknown reason, Phoenix pulls me over to her with a firm grip.

"Come, sit right here," Eve pats the ground next to her. However, once I move towards her, Phoenix stays put, with a glance over my shoulder, I spot his smile and wave to move on, he sits cross-legged, staring out over the field, long brown hair floating. The wood is hard and Genesis lays next to me panting. I point and command her to Phoenix for some water perhaps. I see now Eve has a long and wide desk made of vines tying branches together. On it sits a few idle books stacked, some are open and pages appear worn with use, a gigantic book lays wide open but with pages blank and some black lines scrawled over it with a pen set in the binding crease. I infer she must be writing down findings or experiments, documenting some sort of work.

Her brown hair is tied back but her lilac eyes are bewildering and cause me startlement. "Hold this." She tosses few glass beakers to me, I scramble as to not drop them, I watch observantly as her hands and arms move as though it's all muscle memory to her. "Can't sleep?" her voice is clear and warm.

"Uh, no, not really..." I stammer and peer into the beakers with a climbing curiosity. Taking in all the different languages on the books we saw earlier, the many specimens in jars, unique decorations and the strange things inside these beakers, these wizards must have traveled far and wide over the Earth. 

"Why did you run out and fight the Yelmetes?" Her tone is still tender but somehow knowing, as though we both understand it wasn't meant to wear me out so I could doze off. If I should be honest with myself, I don't know myself exactly why, just that it was meant to distract me from my feelings I don't know how to face; though, if this counts, I don't know. It seems somehow that this question is, in fact, actually rhetorical.

After a few more moments, her muttering to herself, scribbling occasionally in the book, moving the beakers, testing incantations, and other things I do not understand, she says, "I'm not all that mature you know," she sighs deeply, "We can't all hold it together forever, it's inhuman. You know what I hate? How feelings are seen as weak, that's what really pisses me off, because that's how friendship and love spread. Love. What a strange word. We think, 'weak girl, manly guy, fit' but no. That's so wrong, you know? So wrong. There would be less fighting, this is why I'm out here in the boonies with Heath and Ralph, the monsters are better and safer to be around than other humans." Eve speaks quickly and I feel as though I've intruded on a conversation she is having with herself, as she is being quite random and blunt.

"Fuck me!" She curses when her rage towards the situation causes her to smash a beaker, despite her curse, she is calm and collected still.

I help her pick up the pieces and set them on the table.

"I hear you are searching to find Siron?" she inquires, remaining tranquil.

"Yeah," I say no more, not mentioning how it was only supposed to be me, how I felt I had no choice, how I hate being a burden to the others, and how much pain we have all been through together because of me; and I leave out the reason for going.

"Why?"

"Well," I pause. Why am I doing this? It's not like there's a time limit on the mission.

"Many different groups want to harness the power of that sword you know. I hope to the roots of my care that you have a plan to destroy and not use it. His forces are still everywhere and his mutations and monsters roam like a weed." Eve seems to suggest to me a reason. Why she wants to motivate me, I've no idea. Is it so obvious that I've lost the ability to stray and think for myself?