Mullette|| Not Alone (Hamilton Junior High AU)[COMPLETED]

Ch. 18

Laf's POV:

     We've gone through our trip pretty great.  We've hit Ireland, Spain, Germany... pretty much any where you can think.  But all in all it's been really fun, Alex and John are doing great and so cute.  I think at some point Eliza and Maria are hooking up, they've been flirting the whole time.  Today we're heading back to New York and I'm pretty home sick, so I'm excited to get back home and see the fam.

     We get home and I walk into the house and I say hi to my sister and sit on the couch with her and show her the hundreds of pictures I have of all the places I went.  I finish showing her everything then go back to my room.

     I open the door and drop my stuff on my bed and just take in a breath while I sit down on my bed.  I pull out my phone and open the calender, it's August 5th and only a couple more weeks until the first day of school.  I look at it not able to believe that I was about to go into 8th grade.  

     I get a little ding on my phone and see my calender sent me an email reminding me about my theropy session with my therapist Phillipa Soo.  Oh, I forgot.  After we got to New York my parents set up a therapist for me and I forgot that I had another session tomorrow.

     I try to get my mind off of it so I don't have a panic attack.  I turn on my playlist and Fix You by Coldplay comes on.  I listen to the lyrics and I can feel the tears start to rull down my face.  Ever since I was younger I've always want someone to sing that song to me, sing those lyrics to me when I'm not feeling good.  I remember when I would sit in my room back in Idaho curled up and crying and I would close my eyes imagining someone right behind me holding my tight telling me it's ok.

     I sit on my bed holding my legs, the only problem is, is that... I can't... I just can't have someone that close to me... I'm going to hurt them... whoever it is... Herc or someone else, I can't do it.  I sit crying not able to stop.  I pull out my phone and just look at Herc's name debating on talking to him or not.  I need to, he would be mad at me if I don't talk to him.  

     I press a button and hold up the phone to my ear.  The phone rings a couple of times and I hear him pick up "hello" he says in his calm, beautiful voice as always.  I smile at the sound of his voice "Laf?  You there?" he says, I can hear him sounding a little more concerned.  

     I nod realizing that he can't see and say over the soft flow of tears "I'm... I'm hear" I say.  I can hear him breath a little different sounding more concerned "Laf, are you crying?" he asks urgently.

     I breath deeply "maybe... a little" I say still tears falling down my face.  I sit there and I can see him standing infront of me with his tilted head and confused look "Laf, what's up?" he says more seriously through the phone.

     I look down not able to express how I'm feeling over the phone and not knowing what to say "I... I don't know what I'm doing" I say more tears falling down my face and I rest my head down on my knees.  He takes a breath "Laf, what's wrong, I know there is something up and I don't know how to help if you don't tell me" he says and I just feel lightheaded not knowing how to tell him "I can't tell you... I don't know how to tell you, I've always had trobles expressing my feelings, no one has ever really asked me to express them, so I've never been able to" I say strugling to get the words out over the tears.

     He takes another breath "Laf, I love you" he says.  I smile and before I can answer he hangs up.  I look at my phone unbelievingly and he did hang up.  I put down my phone and just sit there.  All my thoughts are going over and over in my head, hundreds of thoughts all at a time go through my head.

     I put my head on my knees with my hands on my head "STOP!!" I scream trying to make all the thoughts go away.  I look up and see Herc standing in my doorway "Laf" he says softly with ice cream in his hands.  I look up at him with red puffy eyes still tears streaming down my face.

     He sits down on the bed next to me and holds me.  I rest my head down on his chest, then I remember that my music was still on.  I sit there and I hear Fix You turn back on and I start to cry even harder.

     Then the next thing I know he's singing to me "When you try your best but you don't succeed," I look up at him in awe, his voice is beautiful "when you get what you want but not what you need, when you feel so tired but you can't sleep, stuck in reverse," my crying starts to slow down and I just put my head on his chest and let him sing to me.

     He goes through the song then he gets to the end and holds up my chin looking into my eyes "and I will try to fix you" he sings to me and the song ends and I look into his eyes "this has always been my dream, I know that sounds weird but... a guy comforting me and singing to me to calm me down, I've just always wanted someone to do that for me" I say looking down a little, then I look back up at him a little more seriously "but I didn't know that you could sing."