Peter Parker Imagines

Kiss Me | Peter x Reader

Word Count: 3000
Warnings: Anxiety, Depression

☆★☆★☆

I wasn't bullied. Not anymore, at least. I wasn't anorexic, or bulimic. There was nothing clinically wrong with me. My doctor had blamed my depressed moods on low iron levels, but it was more than that.

I hated myself. Loathed every bit of my being. It was a continuous cycle, hating myself and then blaming my own mind for making me hate myself. It was all so confusing, and it was all too quickly becoming too much for me to handle.

Peter knew this. I'd told him before. I'd sobbed in his arms, crying about how much I hated myself, and he listened, that poor boy. He had to deal with me, and I knew he was becoming tired of it. I could see it every day at school.

School. How I hated that place. Almost as much as I hated myself. Granted, there were fun extracurricular activities to do, but I was only just scraping by in my classes. Peter was trying to help me, but it was no use. I'm too fucking stupid to pass.

And that scares me. I want to be someone. I want to have a good job, a nice home, maybe even someone who loves me for who I am. But that future looks bleak. I'm talented at nothing. My parents scolded me every time they heard me speak negatively, but I couldn't give two shits.

They were ashamed to have a daughter like me. I could hear it in their voices when they told me off for napping after school. Not like I'd be stopping anytime soon, of course. Sleeping was the closest I could get to death. To getting away from the world.

If I'm honest, I have thought about suicide. But I have too many social obligations to actually go through with it. Even if I'm just a placeholder, I still have to remain for the people who need me. Besides, I'd feel guilty as fuck, leaving behind my family. And Peter.

"Y/N? You still with me?" The gentle, prompting voice of Peter brought me out of my self-destructive thoughts. I blinked away the blank expression, finding myself looking into warm brown eyes. Peter was closer than he had been, leaning in close to gain my attention.

"Yeah. Sorry," I closed my Biology textbook, letting out a sigh. "I zoned out again." Peter, ever the worrying soul, closed his book too. "It's getting worse, isn't it?" God. When wasn't it? It seemed to be growing gradually worse, and there was no way of stopping it.

But, not wanting to further worry Peter, I cocked my head, sporting my best innocent expression. "What's getting worse?" He didn't catch on like everybody else. "Y/N, you can't fool me. I know you," The slamming of my textbook hitting the floor echoed in his room.

I hadn't meant to shove it off his bed, but I was so frustrated and stressed out from school that my anger got the best of me. Peter didn't even flinch. It was like he'd been expecting it. "What do you know about me, Peter?" I ended up hissing at him, saying his name in a scathing manner.

He did look a little hurt by my anger towards him, but he didn't react. "I know that you like exactly two slices of tomato on your toast in the morning. I know you prefer when it's raining because it helps you sleep better. I know your favourite colour is blue, but not just any blue, it has to be the same crystal blue as the ocean on a sunny day. I know you love Disney and Pixar movies, and that you cry at the end of Monsters Inc every time without fail."

He trailed off, taking a deep breath. I was completely frozen with shock. "I know you hate yourself. From your looks to your personality, to your skills." He suddenly moved closer to me, slowly reaching out with one of his hands. "I know you cry when things become too much. I know you wear headphones all the time because music is one of the only things that helps you cope. I know you get anxious during presentations in class, and I always see your bottom lip trembling when you're about to cry."