Chapter 32: The lies that you believe in

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Song used in this chapter: "Breathless" - Alex Goot 

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"Times have changed and now

I don't even know myself

Do I even want to?"


Heung Soo rolled in bed one more time during that night. He couldn't sleep because he couldn't stop thinking about what just happened, and he was sure that it would be impossible to erase that from his memory - to erase the feeling of those pouty lips and the scent of Nam Soon's shampoo... He knew his heart race probably wouldn't go back to the usual rhythm so soon.

He couldn't stop wondering if he did the right thing by remaining there without any response... But he was not sure how he should respond, what should he say or do... He was lost.

He covered himself with the blanket over his head anxiously, and that was when he remembered that the younger had left with only his pillow. Nam Soon didn't have anything to cover himself in this cold night - even though it was already spring, the temperature would decrease at night. And after what happened, he probably wouldn't come back to the room even if he was feeling cold.

However when Heung Soo got to the living room with a blanket in hands, Nam Soon was already in deep sleep. He was holding tight to his pillow, probably indeed feeling cold. Heung Soo delicately covered the other, that mumbled something really low that he didn't understand. He thought for a brief second that Nam Soon had woke up, but he just rolled to the other side, still with his eyes closed and breathing slowly.

After what just happened... Would they be okay? Would Nam Soon want to leave early? He hoped not. Nam Soon couldn't leave. Not now, not after that... Not ever. After these brief times living together... slowly, Heung Soo started to get used to having him around. More than that, actually, he didn't think he could ever live without him anymore.


"Hopefully you'll be fine

without me by your side

Hopefully I will too"


It had already dawned when Nam Soon woke up on the next day. For a brief second he was surprised to see himself back on the living room, but that was only until he remembered of the night before and what he had done.

He sighed, rubbing his face and regretting everything. Why had he done it? When everything was finally getting better between them, he had to go and ruin everything again.

The light of the bedroom was already turned on, and he stood up wondering if he should go back there. However he could hear the sound of the water falling against the tile, what meant Heung Soo was probably taking a bath. He opened the door of the room slowly, and suddenly the sound of the water was gone.

He waited sitting over the bed until the door opened after some minutes and Heung Soo went out of it, wearing only his jeans with his hair still wet. They looked at each other briefly, and Nam Soon had a lot he wanted to say, a lot he wanted to ask, but he didn't have the courage for that. He couldn't say a thing, neither wish him a happy birthday. Should he just pretend anything happened again? He wasn't sure he wanted it. So he just bit his lips and went to the bathroom to take a bath.

Heung Soo stood there for some seconds without knowing what to say, and part of him wishing Nam Soon wouldn't mention what happened. But at the same time, he wasn't even sure if he really didn't want him to bring the subject. He sighed, and just went back to the kitchen after putting on a white t-shirt he quickly got from the closet.

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