Our New Fate

Chapter 18: What lies behind your smile?

  Song used in this chapter: "Underneath" - Sam Tsui

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"I know they've got you so afraid

You put your faith in masks you made.

Can you trust enough to peel them all away?"

It was a place he had never been before, and Nam Soon knew that there was something odd when he parked his car on that street. He found a spot a block away from where he was supposed to meet with Yoon Jae and Joon Hee, and by the time he reached it on foot and spotted both of them in the line, he kind of already knew what this place was all about.

He had already heard about this neighborhood, but never paid much attention to it. The first thing he noticed was the large amount of foreigners - more than the usual he sometimes saw walking down the streets of Seoul. But the second and most important thing he noticed was what he should have suspected from the start - that he was in the underground gay area of ​​this district. And the club where he was supposed to meet with them was that kind of club.

They waved to him from the line and Nam Soon walked towards them, avoiding to look at the guys staring at him from the line. He didn't quite know what he was feeling at the moment, but he couldn't lie and say that he was very anxious about it.

"We thought you wouldn't make it in time," they said as Yoon Jae wrapped his arms around Joon Hee's shoulders.

"This place..." Nam Soon murmured. He felt his cheeks flush and it was almost impossible to hide his discomfort.

"What?" Yoon Jae asked, like there was was nothing unusual about it. Nam Soon discreetly looked around, biting his lower lip. Yet, he didn't say anything else. "Why? Surprised that it's a lgbt club?" He laughed and Nam Soon noticed that at least Joon Hee scolded him - he pushed his arms away from his shoulders and looked at Nam Soon, trying to understand him. He knew pretty well the situation he was going through and Yoon Jae didn't need to act like that, since it wouldn't help him at all.

"Don't worry. No one will judge you here," Joon Hee assured him, but Nam Soon didn't feel any calmer about it.

"But I'm not..." he whispered. It was not like he had came out to them, though he was aware that they probably already knew about his feelings towards Heung Soo. But Nam Soon didn't accept it yet. It was just Heung Soo. Nam Soon wasn't gay, was he? Even if he was, that didn't mean he was ready for this.

"Oh please, shut up, you can lie to Heung Soo, but we're not stupid," Yoon Jae hissed annoyed.

"You shut up, can't you see he's having a hard time?" Joon Hee reprimanded him and touched Nam Soon's left shoulder. "Don't worry. It may be hard now, but it will get lighter," he winked at him and Nam Soon let out a low sigh. Would it? It might get bearable over time - just like he's been living for the past ten years, but that did not mean he'd feel any lighter. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to endure it - accepting it, and worst of all, accept his feelings towards Heung Soo.

Would he be able to get over him one day? Since, apparently, ten years weren't enough. Although when he looked around, everyone seemed happy. Here they could act as themselves, and no one seemed to judge them. Maybe coming to this place has not been such a bad idea.

"Ok," Nam Soon mumbled. "But I'm not staying for long."

"And you better not drink too," Yoon Jae smiled at him.