Our New Fate

Chapter 23: Each moment leads me to you.

Song used in this chapter: "One Day" - Trading Yesterday

(WARNING: R-RATED / MATURE CONTENT)

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"If I could change the currents of our lives

To make the river flow where it's run dry

To be a prodigal of father time

Then I would see you tonight"

Nam Soon was still sitting on the couch with his heart beating desperately. He wanted to run after Heung Soo and ask all the questions that were running through his mind right now. But he didn't have the courage to do it. His legs wouldn't obey him and the words got stuck in his throat ever since Heung Soo kissed him.

His heart wouldn't comply with him, just like his feelings were cluttering in this roller coaster of thoughts, in a mixture of happiness, anxiety and tension. Nam Soon didn't even know what he should think.

Why did Heung Soo do that? Why did he kiss him? Since when had he been having those kind of thoughts about him? Was there a chance... Was there a tiny little chance that Nam Soon was not alone with his feelings?

"If I could see beyond the here and now

If you could hear me calling you somehow"

Heung Soo needed to get out of there as soon as possible. His hands were still shaking and his heart had never beaten as fast as this before. Those butterflies inside his stomach wouldn't go away and the temperature seemed way much hotter than it actually was.

Even when he got inside the cab, his mind wouldn't leave that apartment. The scent of Nam Soon's baby shampoo was still with him, the reminiscence of those pouty lips touching his and the warmth that took over his body when he kissed him. It all remained in his mind and he couldn't stop thinking about Nam Soon.

He couldn't accept those feelings, he couldn't accept the response his body was giving - to a man. He knew it was Nam Soon. He knew how important Nam Soon was to him and he'd already accepted that. But to have romantic feelings for him - he just couldn't accept it. When he discovered that Nam Soon was gay, he never thought twice about accepting him, because it was Nam Soon. And precisely because it was him, it didn't matter - whether he liked boys or girls, it wasn't important.

But he could never accept himself that way. His heart should not beat that fast for him. He should not think and dream about Nam Soon in this way.

He went to his bedroom as soon as he reached his apartment and lay down over the bedspread, covering himself with a blanket. Trying to fade those thoughts away, to calm down his heart and take back his sanity.

However, that night, Heung Soo's dreams were filled with Nam Soon. With his lips, his scent, and everything else he tried to erase from his thoughts while he was awake.

"If I could know that love is reaching out

To find you with me tonight"

Heung Soo didn't call Nam Soon the next day or send him a message. He was afraid to face him, afraid that his heart would accelerate after seeing him and of how he would feel.

When he arrived at work, he didn't look inside the coffee shop. He didn't search on his phone for any missed messages. He didn't want to face what was about to come, so instead he would rather run away for as long as he could.