Our New Fate

Chapter 49: Maybe I don't want heaven

Song used in this chapter: "Heaven" - Troye Sivan

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"This voice inside
Has been eating at me
Trying to embrace the picture I paint
And colour me free"

Heung Soo walked the way down that street towards Nam Soon's cafe, unable to concentrate properly. His mind was racing for the minutes just before he got that offer until years ago when he received the news that he would be going to Seoul. It was hard to control his excitement mixed with his memories of those times, of wonders of what could have happened, and now dreams of what would happen from now on.

He could see the red facade from a distance, and placed his hands in his pockets, forcing the biggest smile he could muster as he reached the wooden door. He could see a few customers sitting inside the coffee shop, and on the other side of the counter he saw Nam Soon's back as he made some coffee for an old lady waiting in line. The movement was not big, but he was happy to notice that the cafe didn't pass unnoticed by the people around the street.

Nam Soon turned to her and handed her the cup of coffee as soon as he looked up at the door, where Heung Soo was waiting for him with that smile on his lips - he made sure to keep that warm and pleasant expression on his face as he approached. He blinked as he gave a step ahead, trying to erase those thoughts from his mind, trying not to look at Nam Soon and think about what he would say about what just happened, trying not to think that part of him wanted to accept that promotion, but also to remind himself that he couldn't possibly accept it.

Years ago, how could he so easily give the same news to Nam Soon? How stupid of him to think that Nam Soon wouldn't feel alone. But how even more stupid of him to think that himself wouldn't be completely alone. So how could he possibly make the same mistake again? So, the decision of not saying anything was the best and the only choice he could have ever made.

He headed to the counter, and Nam Soon had a beautiful smile on his lips as he offered him a black drink. The place was filled with the characteristic smell of coffee - it was warm, cozy, and Heung Soo was happy for Nam Soon. So glad that he couldn't possibly erase that smile from his lips. After all that Nam Soon went through, that they went through, he just couldn't.

"Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?

Without changing a part of me

How do I get to heaven?"

But his smile was no longer on his lips when Nam Soon placed the cup in front of him, and he didn't hear when Nam Soon smiled relieved, saying how anxious he was for fear of no one appearing, and how surprised he felt when people started coming.

But Heung Soo didn't answer and kept staring at his coffee, as the memories of Nam Soon on the day he told him he was going to Seoul came to mind - it might even be a wrong memory, based on how he thought he would feel if he told him now about the offer he had just received.

But Nam Soon would never know. If it was up to him, he would never have that sad look on his face again.

"Heung Soo-yah are you listening?" Nam Soon called him out and only then he woke up from his daydream.

"Sorry," he quickly replied, and ran to check the time. "I was thinking about some stuff at work," he was kind of honest as he finished his small cup of coffee.