Our New Fate

Chapter 47: The things I did.

Song used in this chapter: "Blue" - Troye Sivan

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"Love hits hard, I know

All your lights are red, but I'm green to go

Used to see you high, now you're only low"

He still remembered the smell of blood on his hands, his bruised fists and that face... All that blood.. How could he forget?

"What do you mean? Who is he?" Nam Soon asked, but Heung Soo wasn't listening. He splashed the cold water from the sink on his face, and washed his hands under it... If he closed his eyes, he could still remember his blood-soaked hands. He had never forgotten, except for these last few months - for just a short time, he erased those memories from his mind. But that was something that could never have been forgotten.

"Heung Soo, what do you mean?" Nam Soon was shouting now, as he stared incredulous at him. "Why did you stop me??"

"Nam Soon ah..." Heung Soo closed the tap, but kept staring at his hands, a few drops of water dripping from his hair. "I did something... Something that I'm ashamed about," his tone was low, and it was like he was forcing himself to say it. He slowly shook his head, but Nam Soon got quiet this time. "A lot of things, actually. But this one..."

All that blood, the screams, the police siren... How could he ever think that he would be able to completely forget about it someday?

"You remember when we got into school gang fights... With those bullies and all of it?" Heung Soo took a step back, leaning against the counter. "That was all kids-play. The things I did when you weren't around... I was fucked up. I had no idea... That in just a few minutes I could have ruined my life,"

"Only seeing myself

When I'm looking up at you"

"I do, though." Nam Soon said firmly. "I know it, I've been there, and lived ten years of my life regretting it." Heung Soo shook his head, but Nam Soon wasn't having any of that. "But I don't know what this have to do with that fucker that was vandalizing our door with homophobic slangs."

"Because I knew him back then. - Nam Soon held his breath, but didn't speak. - It's been what, nine years? But I had completely forgotten about his face. But today... I remembered." Heung Soo shook his head again. He didn't want to say it out loud. It was a shameful shit he did, the worst of so many things he wanted to bury... "I was so angry... I kept hitting him, I don't even remember what he had said before. Not that anything would justify it... It was me... That anger, I just wanted to keep hitting him. He had already passed out - he might as well be dead - but I kept on hitting non stop, I couldn't even think..."

"And then, I was supposed to be arrested... But I was still in school, and I'm sure that noona did something. She knew some people and I just left, got a few months probation - it's not even in my records. As he..." Heung Soo brought his hands to his forehead, and he stared at his left one, when all those memories were being brought back. "I thought he had died. I thought he would never wake up... but I never went to see him - never even cared to ask if he had woken up. I heard that he hadn't, that he was in the hospital, in a coma, and I? I've never even paid for what I did." Nam Soon was shaking his head non-stop, and Heung Soo did not even notice when he approached.