Insanity

Chapter 12: Giant Hotdogs

Chapter 12: Giant Hotdogs

  Saturday morning and we were all still in the living room. The TV was still going, but it was just static, indicating that the DVD player had turned off hours ago, but the TV hadn’t. Popcorn and food wrappers littered the floor to the point where it was the floor, and then there was us.

  Roman was draped over the armchair like a blanket, with a penis drawn on his face. I’m guessing it was Dylan. Dylan himself was curled up on the floor, hugging a hugely unconscious Crystal with both of his hands cupping her breasts. He either drugged her, or she’s a deep sleeper. Crystal had candy stuck in her hair and Dylan had ‘WANKER’ written in black vivid on his forehead. I’m guessing that was Ivy.

  Then there was Ivy. She was peacefully curled up next to me, sleeping soundly with not a hair out of place. And from my position I could see straight down her cleavage, and I’m telling you, all of it was natural.

  “You shouldn’t perve on people while they’re asleep,” Ivy mumbled.

  She startled me a little, but her eyes were still closed so she didn’t see my horrified face. “But you’re awake,” I said, smoothly, not giving away the fact that she startled me.

  She opened one eye to look at me, then immediately burst out laughing.

  I sighed. “I have something drawn on my face, don’t I?”

  She grinned at me. “What’s wrong cowboy? Don’t like being called a ‘sex god’” She read off of my face, I presumed anyway.

  “Is that actually written on my face?” I wasn’t quite sure; this was Ivy we’re talking about.

  She smirked and reached behind me to grab her handbag. As she yanked it over she hit me in the face with it. And you know what? It fucking hurt!

  “What the fuck is in that thing?” I asked, rubbing my eyebrow furiously, because that’s where it hit most.

  “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to,” She mumbled as she searched through it.

  I raised my eyebrows. So, the mystery to a woman’s purse, men don’t want to know? I’m pretty sure that’s a lie. Unless it’s literally their pad-holder, then I don’t want to know.

  “Here.” She pulled out a mirror. How the fuck did she find that in there? That’s it, I don’t want to know.

  I took it and the minute I took a look at myself, I swore so loud that I woke everyone in the neighbourhood. And I’m not kidding, one of the neighbours across the street literally screamed at me, which woke up the deep sleepers of the neighbourhood, like Crystal.

  “What the?” She mumbled as Dylan quickly released her breasts and backed away slowly.

  Ivy wasn’t lying when she said that ‘SEX GOD’ was scrawled across my face in black marker.

  “This comes off right?” I asked, almost on the verge of panic.

  If Dad came in a saw it, what the fuck would happen? They wouldn’t be banned from coming back, would they? Oh sweet mother of God. They were my only friends.

  Ivy shrugged. “I’m sure with pure alcohol or nail polish remover we could get it off with a lot of scrubbing.”

  “That sounds painful,” I stated. Because it did, how would scrubbing your face with burning alcohol not hurt?

  “Well if it helps, I didn’t write that. And I doubt Roman would either because he definitely does not swing that way, I know, I’ve tried,” My eyebrows shot up into my hairline at Dylan’s confession. The girls’ expressions also looked shocked and horrified. And Roman looked miserable; he obviously remembers that and clearly remembers only disturbing things. “So, it was one of the girls.”