Insanity

Chapter 29: Grief

Hey guys, terribly sorry for being MIA the past few days (Cassandra, don't say anything, I'm allowed to apologize) I'm just dehydrated, sick, tired and seeing lots of dark truths that I don't want to see. Is that what happens when you turn sixteen? You finally realise that everything is harsh, you've just been trying not to see it that way your whole life?

Anyway, that ^ right there is probably why Ryder is so bitter in this chapter, and because I just recently went to funeral and I don't do well with death, it just doesn't sit well. But enjoy it, vote for it, and tell me what you think.

Song of the chapter is Photograph by Nickleback, it just seems to suit this chapter. Although, their song 'Just To Get High' seems to suit the freidnship between Ryder, Jimmy, Joshua and Chris. I suggest you listen to the lyrics, they're what hold the meaning. Also, second to last chapter people!

 Chapter 29: Grief

 

  I had kissed Ivy. I was so stupid!

  When I pulled away I saw her shocked expression and that was enough to make me run again. I couldn’t handle that, not after everything. Roman was lying. I didn’t run home, I was too afraid of seeing my Mom again, so I hid out with the others in the hospital room.

  It took Ivy a while to come in, but when she did, I avoided her gaze. She’d been crying.

  The others didn’t say anything, they just cracked jokes to keep the mood light, and to avoid any bad confrontations. Roman asked what was up when I asked to crash at his house, but I just shrugged him off. They all knew something was wrong, but I wasn’t bringing it up.

  I avoided Ivy at all costs.

  It was now Friday, the day of the funeral. My Dad was driving with Mark and Daniel in the back, trying to keep it PG. The gang travelled in another car, close on our heels. They all thought that I would go with the others, but if I did, then I would have to tell them what was wrong. Ivy wasn’t the only person that I was avoiding.

  I knew I had to face her eventually, but not today. Today I had to get through something else entirely first.

  “You okay?” My Dad asked. We were almost there.

  I nodded and looked down to my clenched fists. I held my speech in it. It had been crushed to barely readable. I was one of the only ones speaking. Only I knew the both of them well. The rehabilitation centre became in charge of holding the joint funeral when the parents refused to. Jimmy’s sister was speaking, as was Chris’ cousin, but other than them, I was it.

  “Well, here we are,” Mark leaned forward to say as my Dad pulled into a carpark with only a few cars and a couple of vans.

  I shrugged as I hopped out of the car. The jacket I wore was slightly too-big, it had fitted me when I went to the last funeral, but that was when I had gained a lot of weight in rehab. I had lost a lot of weight again, I hadn’t been eating since Monday. That’s why Mark was staying with us, his boyfriend too. They were all concerned about me.

  My Mom had left that night, swearing that she would get a court order, but Mark said that he would vouch for my Dad, and that everything would be okay. And I knew it would, but for now, it kinda sucked.

  My shirt fit, but only because I had it when I was in the middle of my eating disorder, and my pants fit, but only because they were one of my normal pairs of jeans and I wore a thick belt on its tightest button. My shoes were a beat up pair of pure black vans that Jimmy had given me.