I am a girl. I don't drink or party every weekend. I don't sleep around or start drama to get attention. Yes, we do still exist.
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I'm not clumsy. The floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall GETS IN THE WAY!
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I didn't fall, the floor just needed a hug.
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8 planets,204 countries,
809 islands,
7 seas,
6,000,000,000+ people
AND I'M SINGLE!
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Sorry! I'm not Rihanna. I don't love the way you lie.
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Seriously considering filling my pockets with glitter and whenever someone near me says something rude or stupid, I'll just rach into my pocket with a dead expression and fling glitter into the sky above their head and watch it shower over them like a baptism of stupid.
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Saw this on tumblr (The username made me laugh for like twenty minutes) :
Barcknobama: Don't you hate it when you put toothpaste on your toothbrush and it falls off right off? Like wtf toothpaste do your job!
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When people stratch and make the loudest sexual noise ever. And you're just sitting there, trying not to laugh.
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So a woman was wearing smiley face underwear and it showed through her dress.
My Friend: I smile at da booty
Me: Da booty smiles back
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I'm sick of fake people! I was watching this movie the other day and some guy died in it. Then I googled the actor and guess what? He's still alive. Disgusting.
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Me: *sigh* Why am I better than everyone?
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Me: I hate it when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa. Like Babooshka or Salami.
Dylan: I'm telling Grandpa Salmi that you were talking shit.
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MY THOUGHTS AT SCHOOL:
-Why?
-I wonder when my teacher lost their virginity
-What if a fat man walked in with a gun right now?
-When is lunch?
-What language are you speaking? Math? Ew!
-What the Hell is this?
-Why are you here?
-What if I stood up on the desk and ripped off my pants?
-Don't touch me
-Ugh
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Dylan: I wander what Satan looks like.
Me: HIS NAME IS LUCIFER, HES A FALLEN ANGEL AND HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SUPER GORGEOUS.
Dylan: Really?
Me: Yeah. I guess you could say he was...
Dylan: ...
Me:...
Dylan: ???
Me: Fine as Hell
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Dylan:
Are lesbian mermaids called H2omosexuals?
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Tumblr again:
Adjenal: Do you ever see something and think "Wow. That is vioulently American."
Fleabittendrifter: Like glazed-donut-bacon-cheeseburgers?
Adjenal: Exactly!
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Me: *names child butter*
Me: *accidentally brings home wrong chilld*
Me: I can't believe that it's not Butter!
