Making This An Extra Special Chapter. There's A LOT of Jokes on This One.
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Last year, I asked Santa for the most beautiful, sexiest, funniest, hilarious thing ever. I woke up inside a box!
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I am NOT insulting you! I'm just describing you!
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Expectations of Summer: going to the beach every week, water fights, parties, random and expensive trips, barbecues.
Reality of Summer: Moving your laptop so the sunlight doesn't reflect off the screen screen.
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Does anybody else feel like an awkward stripper while taking the clothes off that are covering your bathing suit?
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Child Me: WOW, WHEN IM A TEENAGER, I'M GOING TO GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS TO THE MALL AND PARTY AND DATE HOT PEOPLE AND BE POPULAR AND COOL!
Teenage Me: *hisses at sunlight*
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How to get out of a date if it's going bad. Just stand up and say: "I'm an actor, they're all actors and you're on MTV's Disaster Date." Then run out.
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Today I went on Thesaurus.com and searched for "ninjas." The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played ninjas, very well played.
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If somebody breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. No, literally. Punch them in the face and then go get some ice cream.
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"OOH WHO IS THIS SEXAY BEAST?" Oh. Damn it! I clicked on my own profile again!
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Best friends are those who, when you show up at their door with a dead body, say nothing and grab a shovel and follow you.
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That one awkward moment when you realize you're walking the wrong way, so you hit your pockets to pretend like you forgot something.
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When somebody says something rude and you say "What?" just to give them a chance to change what they said.
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That moment when you see an extremely attractive person in public and hope that you'll see them again somewhere else.
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IMMATURE: a word boring people use to describe fun people.
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It's OK if you disagree with me, you can't ALWAYS be correct.
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"Hello, may I help you."
"Oh, no. I just waited in line for about twenty minutes to say Hi!"
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Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have internet connection and electronics.
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I love how in scary movies, the person yells out "Hello?" as if the killer is gonna say "Oh, hold on. I'm just making a sandwhich in the kitchen. I'll be up to kill you in a sec!"
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I finally got a kiss! Thankyou Hersheys.
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When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a freaking ninja.
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"I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world. Life is Plastic, it's fantastic."
Admit it! You just read that ^^^^ in an annoying woman's voice.
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My friends: I totally want my boyfriend to call me at three in the morning just to say "Hey baby, I just wanted to let you know that I love you."
Me: Wake me up at 3 A.M. and I'll kill you!
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The three fastest ways to communicate with somebody:
1. Television
2. Telephone
3- Tell-a-woman
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Lady Gaga Was Over Her Bad Romance, So She Dried The Tears From Her Poker Face And Decided To Telephone Alejandro To See If He Wanted To Just Dance.
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Don't worry, guys. I'll make another one of these eventually. Goodnight! XX -Ashley
