Euphoria || j.hs [Watty's 2018]

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It's been hours of the doctors' hard work to save the girl that meant so much to Hoseok.

He was impatiently waiting outside the emergency room his head in his hands as his elbows were resting on his knees.

Eyes glued on the floor as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

Thoughts flooding his mind and vision.

Thoughts of what would happen if he was there for her.

Thoughts of how differently things would have escalated if the things she had written in the letter were said a long time ago.

Thoughts of how if he was enough for her and enough to save her out of this hole she was falling into; she wouldn't be inside that room now with a 50-50 chance of her nightmare or her biggest wish becoming truth.

It was 50-50 if she was going to survive another suicide attempt and facing consciences or succeed on killing herself and finding the peace she's been looking for.

And all of it, was his fault...

Or that's just how he saw it.

It would be the third time for him to lose a loved one out of suicide and he couldn't take it.

And then it hit him like a truck.

'What if she actually dies... she'll be happy... and I won't... what will happen to me?'

And his chain of thoughts was soon broken; fortunately before they went too far away.
Because the further away they went, the deadlier they got.

He looked up with his bloodshot puffy eyes and heavy eyelids to his hyung who had previously placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Hoseok-ah.. we bought some food please eat something...." his hyung attempted once again.

"No Jin hyung! Not until I find out she's alive and safe." 

And a thought crossed his hyung's mind and he hesitated to voice it out loud.
But in the end it was something that everyone was thinking about.
It was a thought lingering in the back of everyone's head.

And it was killing them.

He had to voice it.

Someone had to make Hoseok face the cruel reality that would may turn out be his reality.

"And what if she doesn't get out of this room alive? Then what will you do Hoseok?"

His voice smooth but strong not angry but he was stating a fact and needed to make Hoseok face it.

Hoseok was speechless.

He didn't know how to respond.

Because how would anyone tell their best friend-almost brother that they could kill themselves if their friend didn't come out of that room alive?

He gulped the growing lump in his throat and opened his mouth.
As expected no sound came out.

And he was luckily interrupted by the doctor coming out of the emergency room.

Hoseok's eyes widened and he ran to the doctor.

Asking him endless questions with his eyes filled with worry.

"She lost a lot of blood and even needed stitches. We did our best... And I'm happy to announce that she is alive. But I can't say she is okay."

Hoseok fell on his knees and did a full bow thanking the doctor.

"Don't just sit here thanking me go see her. She is still unconscious but she will wake up soon." The doctor smiled softly at the boy.

He quickly stood up and bowed one last time before making his way to the room they put her into.

He heard small cries that curried all of her pain and sorrow in them.

He heard her heart shattering all over again and he knew she was never going to be fully the same.

Because he simply would never be enough.

°◇°◇°◇

After two weeks passed everything seemed normal.
He did his best to make her happy.
And she did her best to make him feel enough.

She smiled and even laughed when she was with him.

But when she was alone in her dark room... she was a different person.

She had thoughts of death several times but didn't attempt it yet.

For his sake.

She did all she could to make these thoughts go away.

She had several battles with her inner demons.

And she won a lot because he was there to support her.

He was more than enough to help her.

He saved her life countless times.

And the sad part is that he diddnt even know.

On the other hand Hoseok couldn't stop thinking about everything that happened how he lost people that he loved so much because he wasn't enough.

How many times his hyungs and dongsaengs were disappointed in him or sad and angry because of him.

Which weren't a lot but to him it seemed like a enormous mountain which was all of the problems that he caused to others.

From his point of view he was a burden.

Nothing else.

Useless Worthless Burden Annoying Ugly Fat Not enough Stupid...

These were the thoughts lingering in his mind whenever he was alone or with friends.

They wouldn't leave him alone.

And he stopped eating.

He stopped sleeping.

He stopped smiling.

He started becoming more and more dull by the day.

He stared smoking more frequently and more cigarettes per day.

And slowly he gave up.

Gave up on dancing.

Gave up on socializing.

Gave up on going out with his friends.

And the day came when he gave up on living.

A/N
Dropped a tiny teeny hint towards the end.
If anyone finds it they win a virtual hug and the first one will get a shout out on the next chapter💞💕