Euphoria || j.hs [Watty's 2018]

Suicide Note #2

(Hoseok's)

I'm so sorry

I'm so terribly sorry

I want you to know that I love you.

I've loved you since the first second I laid eyes on you.

Since the first time I heard your soft voice cursing at the universe for being born this way.

For being born sick.

Since the first time I made a smile creep onto your beautiful face.

Since the first time we danced together.

Since the first time we hugged.

Since the first time you got sick and I treated you.

And since the first time I sneaked a kiss from you while you were asleep.

Since the first time you told me I made you happy.

And at that time, my life finally had meaning.

My existence was something that finally stopped being a burden.

But when you tried to kill yourself... it all vanished.

And my love; what's the point living when I almost killed you.

If I was there.

If I walked you home that night.

If I actually made you happy.

If I was actually enough.

You wouldn't try to leave me.

And so my love this is our last goodbye.

I want you to promise me you will do fine without me.

I want you to promise me that you'll be happy.

And you'll start brand new and fresh.

Because life isn't for everyone but it is for you.

I want you to grow old with children and grandchildren running around your house.

And even though that was my dream for us.

I couldn't make you happy.

So I'm leaving.

Namjoon thank you for coming to my therapy sessions every week when my father died.
And when my sister died.

Both out of suicide.

I guess it runs in our family.

And Seokjin, thank you for taking care of me when I was sick.
Cooking for Me and showering me with love when I was young and alone.

Yoongi, thank you for being there in my first suicide attempt.
I'm sorry I threw your hard work out the window by dying tonight.

Jimin, thank you for dancing with me and singing for me whenever I couldn't sleep because of my medication.
Thank you for being there for me when thoughts of suicide were taking over.

Taehyung, thank you for being clingy and sleeping with me whenever you heard me cry.
I'm sorry I worried you.

Jungkook, thank you for bringing laughter in our house at all times.
Hyung is sorry for leaving you behind.

Pleas stake care of yourselves and my love...

Please live on.

Create families and enjoy your lives.

-With much love, your burden Hoseok

A/N

Once this chapter reaches 5 votes I will post the next note.
Btw thank you for 560 reads😱