Euphoria || j.hs [Watty's 2018]

-

It's been three days since their last suicide attempt.

Every day she and Hoseok would keep each other company -at least before and after his friends came to visit him- and every night they snuck out to smoke into the garden.

But these days are gone.

Hoseok was allowed to leave the hospital yesterday.

She on the other hand will have to stay more days as they say she's developing an eating disorder because she's been refusing to eat and is also very underweight.

And as they said they need to keep an eye on her and her eating habits.

This is all stupid. How can they assume and keep me inside without me wanting to.

It's just like my life.

She's forced to keep on living and even though she tries to escape they always force her back inside.

It's like she's the only one seeing the bad side of her life.

It's like she's running but not moving.
Like she's standing in a desert but drowning.
It's like there is air and oxygen everywhere around her but she's still suffocating.

While everyone around her is fine she's slowly and painfully dying on the inside because she can't die on the outside.

Why?

Because of them.

Because of the people that once cared.

And because she cared and still cares for them too much.

So much that it's killing her.

The door slams open and Hoseok rashes in.

"What the f-"

"Oh my god I'm so glad to see you again!: he almost yelled and hugged me tightly.

"We literally saw each other yesterday." She broke a small smile.

All of the previous thoughts long gone.

"Look it doesn't matter now we're friends and I can miss you whenever I want got It?" He snapped his fingers and looked at her with a bitchy look.

She laughed and put her arms up in surrender.

"Okay okay."

"Now I talked with your doctor and he said that if I make sure you eat well and gain some weight everything is okay! So get ready!"

What?

"What?"

"I brought you clothes we're leaving!"

And with that Jung Hoseok lit up her world a little bit more.

~~~

"Hoseok... I'm Not sure if I want to wear these..." she said from the other side of the bathroom's door as she stared down at her outfit.

T-shirt and shorts.

"Why?! The weather is so nice and sunny tod-" he cut himself off as she walked outside.

"Oh..." he said as he saw all of the scars covering her arms and thighs.

He took her arm in his hand and examined it.
He then pulled her into his embrace and caressed her hair.

"Its okay..." he said and after a while let her go.

He paused before rolling up his sleeves.

"I have them too...." and she looked down to see his arms filled with scars like her own.

They both looked at each other sympathetically and went in for a hug.

He makes me feel so alive and loved.

"Here I have a jacket with me." He said as he smiled.

She wore the jacket and he rolled down his sleeves.
Since the shorts weren't that short it was easy to cover the rest with the fabric.

They went to the information desk where they gave her back the clothes she was wearing that day, her phone and everything else that was in her pockets.

Luckily her phone is waterproof so there was no damage.

As they walked down the street towards a park he took a cigarette out and put it in between his lips.
He lit it up with the lighter and before he could take the first drag she stole it from his lips and put it on hers.

"YAH! COME BACK HERE!" He yelled as she ran away from him.

He chased her around and after a while when they finally got tired he put a picnic blanket on the grass and lied down.
They both exhaled smoke looking at the leaves above them with the sunlight beaming through blinding them.

It reminded her of the first time they actually talked.
It seems so far away and long gone but it's still fresh and new as it was only couple days ago.

And she realised since then she smiles more.
And thinks about death less.

He makes her feel a sort of way that she can't express and it scares her.
She has never felt like this before.

She feels genualy happy.